See No Evil, Hear No Evil
by Chellebobaggins
Summary: Takes place after The Kiss in Season 3
1. Chapter 1

There were two things Harris Ryland resented; not getting what he wanted and his mother. Of course, his mother was largely responsible for him not getting what he wanted, so it was really just Judith. Reclining in his study with bourbon in hand, he mused over what he was planning to do to his mother for all she had cost him. His thoughts soon turned to more recent events. "She destroyed the most important part of my life… You." As he had leaned in to kiss her he saw the lack of resistance in Ann's eyes. The desire to kiss her had eaten away at him for so long since he had returned to Dallas and when he finally got the courage and the timing right she had allowed him to. Her gaze between the first lingering moment and the second brief one, he would never forget. Words were never meant to describe that look. "I should go" she had muttered seemingly panicked. He remembered walking her to the car and insisting that one of his men take her home.

The fact that she had let him do that, let him ensure her safety was a good thing, a step forward. Even now, he had barely touched his drink as the sensation of her lips tingled all over his. It was impossible to know where to begin in building trust with Ann. Staring down into the molten brown medicated liquid in his glass, Harris considered the effect it would have on easing the pain. Knocking it back in one go, he placed the empty piece of crystal on his desk and retired for the evening with Ann's taste burning on his mouth.

Ann pushed a strand of hair behind her ear whilst watching her reflection do the same. Upset and angry as she had been when she showed up at the Ryland's, she hadn't expected to feel like this. Had she? There was no point in lying to herself right now, the only person in the car with her was the driver and he wasn't inside her head. Then again, a couple of hours ago Harris hadn't been in her head either. Semi-conscious of her own movements, she reached up to the glass beside her, fingering the small bold lettering that spelt out her previous married name. Resting her forehead against the cool glass, Ann closed her eyes and tried to stop the tears she could feel forming. Without opening her eyes, she knew they had reached Southfork as the car slowed to a stop. She lifted her head with her eyes still closed and heard the door in front of her open and close. The door beside her opened and she gently opened her eyes in time with it. "Would you like some help, Mrs Ewing?" She closed her eyes again at the mention of Bobby's name. "Thank you, no." Ann slowly walked up to the door and noticed Bobby wasn't in from the lack of Ewing cars in the driveway. "Still angry with me" she thought aloud. "Mrs Ewing, are you alright?" A second time the driver had called her that and her eyes stung with guilty tears.

Standing there motionless, Ann weighed up the possibility that Bobby might not come home that night. She should be there when he did come in. Would she be able to hide from him that Harris had kissed her? Raising a hand to her temple, she suddenly felt sick. The last year had taken an obvious toll on her marriage; Harris, Emma, Judith, the trial, keeping so much of her past from Bobby. "Mrs Ewing?" The driver was now beside her, but the thumping pain in her chest distracted her. Had the driver always been that tall? Why was the ground so close? "Mrs Ewing, let me help you up." Ann looked down at her left arm, feeling a strain she had never known running through it. "I need to…C-Can you take me to the hospital?"

Judith Ryland roughly turned on her pillow; satin, stained with mascara and tears. How could he do this to her? The stabbing pain she felt watching her son embrace that woman in front of their house reminded her of 22 years ago. When that same woman had been a shadow of what she was now. Harris had still fallen for her. Hard. As a mother, it had destroyed her to know the boy she had raised would always be a boy; foolish, easily tempted and forever a disappointment. Hearing him ascend the stairs to bed, it took all her strength not to run out and demand an explanation. Weeping, Judith recalled how handsome Harris had been as a young man, not the ravaged, aging and angry figure he was now. So full of hate. It hadn't always been so.

When Harris had first brought Ann to his mother's house, she knew then and there she had lost him. With his eyes dilated and his cheeks rosy he had told his mother how Ann loved horses to try to spark some conversation. Judith could still see the glimmer in Ann's eyes die a little when she had asked her why she couldn't afford to go to college, to make something of herself. Ann had stammered something about her family not having much money. Another warning sign, Judith had known even then. Harris had been so visibly embarrassed by his mother, yet Judith knew she could tip that feeling into embarrassment over the floozy he had brought to their home. Judith had allowed the awkward silence between herself and Ann to run its course before emphasizing how important it was to make something of oneself "because there wasn't exactly a lot to go on naturally after all, was there?" oh, how she had laughed. The memory failed to dent her misery this night. After all this time, he still held a candle for that horrible woman. Coughing like a lumberjack with the flu, Judith chided Harris silently. Yes, Ann was his biggest mistake, even if it had brought them Emma.

Down the hall, Harris lay in bed with a conscience that kept him awake. Ann had come to him upset and angry and he had sent her off with more baggage then she needed. Feeling guilty didn't stop him from admitting to himself that he wouldn't change what happened had he been given a second chance. The moonlight cast shadows in the room that he had once shared with Ann. She had taken very little with her when she left him. Had Ann seen their former bedroom now, chances are she would have felt sorry for him, Harris thought. Virtually everything remained untouched, as she had left it. Judith had no admittance to his room, the sanctuary he sought when he had realized Ann was leaving him. Apart from Emma, this room was all he had left of her 20 years ago. Now that he had effectively lost Emma's affection, what did he really have? The likelihood of the night repeating itself was so slim, he knew Ann would probably avoid him at all costs to save her marriage.

Darkness enveloped the lonely figure that was Harris Ryland in a room too large for one person. Amongst the small, but valuable collection of dainty, white compacts, remnants of make-up, half used bottles of Estee Lauder that had soured and turned a vile yellow, there was a sleigh bed with Egyptian cotton sheets that shuddered with fear and regret. Had she known better, Judith could have sworn she heard soft sobbing from her son's room.


	2. Chapter 2

"It's a trapped nerve, Mrs Ewing." The nurse gently slid the lengthy spindles of what looked like a whisk off of Ann's fingers. "This device hits all the nerves running down your arm and your reaction pinpoints where the problem is." Ann stared blankly at the woman before her. "Sometimes panic attacks can trigger a tightness in the chest and connecting muscles, which can lead to feelings of severe pain. It's possible to then feel pain we wouldn't ordinarily feel or notice without the constriction and tightness caused by panic." Ann nodded dumbly. It had felt very much like a heart attack. She had been convinced that she was dying on the driveway in Southfork. Not just her; the driver who brought her here had panicked too. Where was he? "…and you'll have to take it easy for the next few days, no heavy lifting and I'm prescribing you some Diazepam for-" "What?" Ann yelled, louder than she meant to. The nurse considered her for a moment. "Mrs Ewing, I'm prescribing you some Diazepam for the pain. One a day, no more than that. Don't leave the house after taking it, it will make you drowsy."

Thoughts stampeded through Ann's brain, none of them coherent. "I can't" was all that she could get out. Again, the nurse seemed to stare at her as if she had hatched ten heads rather suddenly. "I used to uh…." Ann trailed off as she felt the sharp stab running from her wrist up past her elbow, to her shoulder and down around her back and into her neck. Was it a sign? Her mother had always advised her to listen to her body, she knew it better than anyone else would. "I can't…thank you enough for all your help." Smiles were exchanged. Neither meant.

The man-made electric blue light filled the room rapidly, like a silent siren screaming out for attention. Harris heard nothing as his phone remained on silent, but rang out repeatedly as he slept.

Ann made her way out of the private room where she had been seen to. Finding Harris' driver waiting for her outside, she saw him quickly put his phone away. "Are you alright, Mrs Ew-" "Yes, I'm fine, thank you" she cut him off trying not to sound irritated. "It's a trapped nerve is all" her eyes fell to the floor with embarrassment at the fuss that had been made around her. "Is Harris looking for you?" she asked, in a half-hearted attempt to find out who he had been speaking to moments ago. "No, I…can't get through to him" he hesitated. Ann peered at him wondering whether the next question forming in her mind should be uttered. Eventually, after glancing at her watch she ventured "Why were you trying to get through to him….at 2am?" Running his hands through his greasy hair, the driver sighed loudly "He asked me to make sure you got home safely and…" "And he doesn't need to know about this, I'm fine" she finished for him.

The car was cold and slightly damp from the hour long wait in the ER. Remembering that she had left her phone at Southfork, Ann sat back and tried to steady her nerves. Her eyes fell softly shut as she leaned back against the black leather headrest. Although it wasn't his car, everything about the interior screamed Harris' name. The black leather with the fine white stitching, the tinted windows containing the surname in the corner in small, but bold black lettering. Solid. The car and everything about it was solid and whole. They say a man's possessions will tell you everything you need to know about him. Especially the care he takes in maintaining them.

As her head lolled on the headrest, Ann remembered in the early years of her courtship with Harris, how he would leave work earlier on Friday's to pick her up for a date. He would arrive at her mother's house and surprise her. It had confused Ann how Judith could have raised him in such a controlled environment, yet he would show up with flowers for her and her mother. At 17 years of age, it had felt like she had her very own Rhett Butler and she was spoiled by him indefinitely. A date with Harris meant that Ann would arrive home with several new outfits. It was almost too much, at least for her free standing wardrobe that came crashing down on top of her when she tried to fit them all into the tiny space. They were from very different worlds, yet in those days he had made her feel like his equal. She thought he was the strongest man she knew back then. The truth was they were strong together, without any interference. What if they had had a chance to figure things out, grow up a bit before Emma was born? Get some life experience. Together. Without Judith. "I think we could have worked, Annie." Tears stung her eyes again. This time she knew it wasn't the pain in her arm. "Jesus Christ!" Ann's eyes shot open as the driver came to a screeching halt. Southfork was alight before their eyes. "Oh my…" Ann struggled to open the door and stumbled out of the car. To her horror she saw Christopher's car in the driveway and a car she didn't recognize. "Mrs Ewing!" the driver yelled as Ann charged through the open front door.

Slumber held no peace for Harris. Had he not understood the extent of the power his mother held over him, he would have believed his nightmares to be her doing. Everything she touches, she destroys. His happiness, his life, his light. Distance and time had deafened the immediacy of his need, but being near her again…it was torture. The scent of her, the softness of her skin, the warmth of her against his lips. Harris never knew how cold he was until he felt Ann's lips all those years ago. Only a few hours ago, he had realized he was living in a Baltic isolation, a frozen corner of depression that her mouth and sparkling eyes had helped to thaw. Gentle and brief as it was, it was the only intimate contact he had had with a woman in 20 years. It was the only contact he wanted and he wanted it back. He awoke with a startling cry. She had walked away from him. He had let her go. Knowing he had to, that she loved her husband and would have to leave the past behind, it all built up in the pit of his stomach until he rose up off the mattress with a roar of primal defeat. Only then did he see his phone flashing with 5 missed calls from the driver he had sent to drive Ann home.


	3. Chapter 3

The house was rapidly crumbling into ash and flames. Fumes and heat lashed at Ann's face as she called out to Bobby and Christopher. One of the beams supporting the ceiling in the kitchen had fallen before she arrived. Noticing something caught under the beam, Ann pushed her way through the falling timber. To her horror, she saw Bobby and Christopher lying motionless under the beam. In vain, she struggled against the might of the inanimate chunk of wood, feeling every vertebrae in her spine sweat with strain. "Mrs Ewing!" "STOP CALLING ME THAT AND HELP ME LIFT THIS!" she screamed at the driver, who arrived at her side like a schoolboy who had lost his place as teacher's pet. Together they heaved the beam a little, but it was no use. Ann fought for breath as she staggered back, unable to keep trying. The cacophony of noise around her was deafening. Crackling wood, hissing flames, spitting fumes. "Ann!" The second falling beam narrowly missed her head. She felt her legs shift from under her, but not from fainting as she had expected. Her eyes refused to open under the intensity of the heat as she seemed to glide out of the house.

Outside, she felt the gravel of the driveway under her body. Sirens roared, drowning out the crackling. Even the ground remained hot from surrounding flames. Her eyelids felt like they were caked with mascara that had been worn for too long. Opening them her eyes were dry and scratchy. Ann turned her head towards the voices she could hear to her right. A team of uniformed medics were scrambling around, moving from her to someone she couldn't see on the ground a few feet away. "Bobby?" she called out in alarm, reaching in the direction of the scrum. "No, Mrs Ewing, it's not your husband" a medic replied, who was kneeling behind her head. "Who…" Ann started and gasped as the crew of medics moved off the ground lifting Sue Ellen on a stretcher with them. Ann's shoulders and head began to shake violently as she erupted in tears "Is she going to be ok?" she wailed. "It's too early to tell, she's not responding and has been unconscious for some time. We found an empty bourbon bottle in her hand." Ann wept uncontrollably as the guilt of leaving Sue Ellen to go visit Harris returned to her mind. "Where is Bobby? Is he ok? And Christopher?" she tried to move her head to see, only to be calmly told to stay in the position she was in. She repeated the questions angrily this time. "Your husband is unconscious too, we've just taken him out of the house and your son is being brought out now." Ann lay with the medics hands holding her head in a neutral position. Her energy had been zapped to the point that she couldn't even manage to tell the medic she wasn't Christopher's mother. "You're fortunate Mrs Ewing…" the medic started before trailing off as Ann felt everything fade away.

Judith reefed the covers back as she gurgled and gasped for air. That one felt real she thought. Mother Ryland had a tremendous knack for pushing things aside when they were not of grave concern. Nightmares were a common occurrence in the Ryland household, especially when Harris was a child. After he met Ann, they seemed to subside, but Emma's birth brought them back with a bang. Had Harris known about these night terrors he might have had some sympathy. All he knew were the screams in the night that went unexplained. The tears and sheets soaked in sweat were par for the course and they were Judith's own private hell.

When Ann came to, she found herself in a sterile looking white room with nothing in it, but the bed she was lying on and an IV drip clinging to her arm. Panicked by the silence surrounding her, she pressed the call button for a nurse. Nothing. No sound from the buzzer. No response. Attempting to sit up, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and immediately regretted it as she felt herself dragged onto the floor by the deadweight of her limbs. Ann pulled the IV drip alongside her as she slowly forced her feet to move in baby steps. Opening the door to her room, she expected to hear the bustling of a busy hospital that had just taken in a family found in a burning house. Silence greeted her. Silence and bright white lights. Stunned, she moved along the lengthy corridor at a snail's pace. How was there no one here? There was another room beside hers, if she could only get to it and ask where everybody was.

Gradually the door to the room came into view and peering in through the window, Ann felt a pang in her stomach that could only be fear and shock as the empty room stared back at her. Pushing the door open she gazed around to find confirmation that she was alone on the corridor. She began a long trek towards some double doors that she hadn't noticed moments before and finding them easier to open than the last door, she made her way through. Five doors. She counted five doors and no one around outside them. Anyone who tells you that fear is only to be conquered is a fool. Fear and confusion mixed, particularly in isolation, is a dangerous combination. Ann found herself at the first door closest to her. Inside, among stark white linen and hospital blue blankets, lay Christopher. Bruised and battered, he looked paler and more wan than Ann had ever seen him. "Christopher!" she cried, pushing and pulling the door. Locked. "How can…?" Realising she was speaking to no one who could hear her, Ann banged on the glass in the door. Her arms gave way as she slid against the door in exhaustion. What was in that drip? Detaching the thin vein of fluid from her arm, Ann stumbled across the hall to the next door.

There was a woman in the bed, but Ann didn't recognize her scarred face and burnt hair. A man sat beside her holding, no seemingly rubbing her hand. Ann cried out to them and hit the door in anger. The woman was unconscious, but the man seemed plain oblivious. Ann stared at him in confusion. Suddenly, he moved. Ann placed her hands on the glass, silently pleading for him to see her. Turning his head over his shoulder, he tipped his hat. Ann's mouth dropped open as she watched him rise from his seat. The door opened and Ann felt her body shake with dread and sadness. "Hello darlin', it's been a while." Ann slipped backwards, but managed to steady herself. "Come on in, you'll have to excuse the smell. Poor woman's been back on the bottle and god knows it's like a distillery in here." Ann paused as the colour fled from her face. "I know you're scared, honey. It takes brains to know when to be scared. And since that's something in short supply in this family as of late, I'm gonna help you. Now is the time to be scared."


	4. Chapter 4

The door closed quietly behind Ann at nobody's bidding. Moving her legs was difficult still, they felt like long and uncharacteristically wide blocks of cement that had been set to the ground beneath them. Yet, she managed to make it to the chair that had been set out for her. The room was sterile and bright, but not without its dark corners, the darkest of which Ann was currently peering into. The woman in the bed beside her chair was so fragile. Stitches crawled down her arms as though a corset maker had been distracted and used the skin instead. Shivering, Ann stared at the unknown woman wondering if she could feel the cold too. "Time has been very kind to that face, darlin'." Blinking rapidly, Ann paused to consider if the man on the opposite side of the bed was referring to her own face or that of the woman's in the bed. The woman was ravaged with blood and poorly sewn stitches that looked like a small child was responsible for them. Turning to face him, Ann realized he did indeed mean the woman in the bed.

"Ann, just what does Bobby think he's doing? Can you tell me that?"

Ann looked up in confusion. She had been raised to be polite to everyone, but this setting was out of her comfort zone.

"Bobby's getting weak, Ann. You can see it, John Ross can see it. Hell, almost everyone can see it apart from that ex husband of yours."

At the mention of Harris, Ann straightened up like a soldier to attention, but the smirk she was met with told her she had given the reaction that was hoped for.

"You know he's not the problem. He's not dangerous really. It's his mama that wears the pants and always has….but you never told Bobby that, did you? You never mentioned how much of a sniveling child your ex-husband is."

Refusing to show her fear, Ann gripped her lower lip between both rows of teeth and clenched. For the first time in her life, green was truly not Ann's colour as she glared at the woman in the bed wishing she was in her place, unable to hear this.

"You needn't worry, darlin'. Things will work out right in the end."

Ann scoffed loudly. "Yeah. Right. And what would you know about right?"

"Plenty. When you spend your lifetime doing dirty deeds, you're usually the first to notice the good ones."

Interlacing her fingers, Ann pressed her fingertips into her knuckles.

"What did you really think you were achieving by not telling Bobby about Emma and John Ross?"

"I was…..ashamed"

"You told Ryland."

In a rush, the words flooded out. "I told Harris because I knew he would deal with…..John Ross….thoroughly"

Ann broke down as she felt tears squeeze past her determination not to get upset. Her tear ducts filled up and released as she caved under the pressure and exhaustion.

"You can tell yourself that, if it gives you strength, honey. Some opportunities are so rare that one has to seize them then and there."

Slowly, she lifted her head and glared at the man. "What opportunities?" she grimaced angrily.

A casual laugh. The throaty sort that would irritate the already bereaved. "Deep down, darlin' we all know if people like us for who we truly are. You're the only one of Bobby's wives I could stand and the only one I actually liked. Bobby loves the woman he thinks you are, but he was always a fool. He thought he could save you. And by God, you let him try, didn't you?"

Shocked by the accusation, Ann failed to keep her voice level "He did save me! I was broken when I met Bobby. I may have kept things from him and it was wrong of me, but it was an unusual situation, I-"

"No one can save you, but yourself, Ann."

Staring past her interrogator, Ann realized she had been winded. Vividly, she recalled that hot day at the Texas State Fair. The psychological battering she had taken the night before from Judith and Harris had eaten away at her brain, alongside the pills she had taken to conquer the feeling. Emma had wailed and wailed. Scared of her role as a mother and terrified of the precious life in front of her and all it required from her, Ann had turned away. Only for a moment.

"All it takes is a split second, darlin'. Surely you know this by now."

That smirk was killing her. Years ago, before Emma was even a twinkle in her father's eye, Ann had spotted Harris' mother smirking at her just as she was being smirked at now.

"_So, you thought you could change your hair? Why would you want to do that, Annie?"_

"_I thought you'd-" _

"_You thought you could get attention from other men. Is that what it was, Annie?"_

"_No, I-"_

"_You what?"_

"_It was just some highlights, Har-"_

Enter Judith. Even with her side business, Judith was always able to keep going. Fear keeps a wolf rejuvenated and the prey down. _"Of course she knew exactly what she was doing, Harris. That woman has only ever invited chaos into our lives from the moment you brought her here."_

"_Chaos? I put a colour in my h-"_

"_Chaos."_

The memory was interrupted by the man seated opposite her.

"That night was detrimental to your wellbeing, wasn't it? You knew you'd lost Harris to his mother."

Ann started to shake her head slowly, no. Then, as her restraint gave way and she crumbled forwards in tears against the hospital bed, she cried out "YES!" Wailing. Just as Emma had wailed at her the next morning. There seemed no end to the tears, as if her eyes had never known what it was like to shed wet, salty badges of courage and perseverance.

Momentarily forgetting her earlier state, Ann went to stand up and immediately slid back down in defeat. The face looking at her now was clearer, old and wise beyond the years of the man inside it.

"Where is Bobby?" she demanded.

"Resting. He'll stay that way as long as you're figuring this out. Longer if necessary."

"Figuring what out? I-I need to see him."

"Who?"

"Bobby!"

That smirk again. "You'll see him. In time."

"What does that mean? I want to see him NOW!" she roared with a force that came from within.

"What was it about that child, Harris Ryland that you couldn't put two and two together when he told you he 'found' your daughter? How did you not know he was behind it?"

Muddled with thoughts about Bobby and Emma, Ann blurted out "He was just as devastated as I was….I thought. Not even he…could…" again she broke down.

"What did that snake ever have anyway? I can understand a nitwit falling for his lines of blabber, but not a pretty, intelligent woman like you. Was it really his money?"

"NO!" Ann screamed at him. "I loved him with everything I had and he loved me, I know he did…I…" She clung to the end of the bed panting and retching at the sudden heat in the room.

"Of course he did."

There was no sarcasm or insincerity in the tone. Ann looked up.

"He still does. The question is, do you love him?"

Ann stared in disbelief. How was that the question, she thought. "I love Bobby" she stated firmly.

"Ah, yes. So do a lot of people. Granted, not everyone loves him enough to put up with him for 7 years, but maybe you're starting to get that famous itch now."

Ann's eyes bulged in their sockets as she lunged towards the laughing figure before her. Grabbing his lapels, her eyes blazing with a murderous stare, she ground her teeth whilst uttering "I love my husband, he's a wonderful man."

"Who earlier today told you to get your daughter out of his house?"

Ann trembled angrily, but said nothing.

"It's very out of character for him to get like that, I'm sure you noticed" the voice continued. Ann's eyes bore into the creature in her midst.

"Have you ever angered anyone else like that? That kind of hurt, deep seated pain?"

"You have someone in mind, I suppose" she spat angrily. Unprepared for the question, she turned away and scrunched her eyes closed.

"You have any idea the damage you did to your first husband by leaving him the way you did?"

Strangled with emotion and shock, Ann collected herself enough to ask the first thing that came to mind.

"What's it to you? How would you…?"

"Oh, darlin'. Bobby's weakness of mind must be rubbing off on you. Your marriage is marred by secrets that Bobby still doesn't have a clue about. Secrets you don't even know yet."

Ann's face contorted in agony and surprise at this as she spun around. "What secrets?"

The undeniable, instantly recognizable laugh that followed almost comforted her.

"What secrets?"

"Oh, you'll learn. In time. Have you ever asked yourself why Harris Ryland would be possessed enough to take your daughter? Has it honestly never occurred to you that he couldn't have done that without help?"

"He had help, his mother was right there with him! She admitted it to my face. Proudly!" Ann exclaimed, angry at having potentially new information dangled in front of her, only for it to be whipped away in an instant.

"Mother Ryland is not a drug anyone in their right mind would want to take, Ann. You know that."

Inexplicable confusion filled Ann's head and it was reflected on her face.

"Did Harris always drink when he was with you, Ann?"

Ann turned as sharply as was possible in her present state. "N-no. Only on special occasions, if we went out, or Christmas, or birthdays. He never really….liked it….what does that have to do with…."

"What did he offer you tonight when you came to his house, the home you used to share?"

Ann blinked, unsure of whether she wanted to say what they evidently both knew.

"A…..a drink" she muttered meekly.

"And Emma takes those pills for panic attacks, isn't that right?"

Ann felt her legs liquidize beneath her and not in a good way. "Harris would never jeopardise Emma that way. In his own way he does love her, I won't let anybody say any different, he…." She trailed off, realizing she had jumped ahead.

"Did Ryland ever….self-medicate the way Emma does? To your knowledge?"

"What? No, she must have gotten that…..from…..me…." Paralysed with terror at knowledge she didn't possess, Ann faltered.

"So, you think Emma _inherited_ your fondness for anti-depressants and alcohol? The fondness you developed….as an adult?"

Silence. Ann looked up, unsure if she wanted to hear any more. It felt to her like the walls were sweating, condensation forming on the ceiling. Placing a hand to her forehead, she felt her own body temperature soaring.

"She went through what I went through, but for much longer. The taunting, the constant sense that she would never be good enough….that I was never good enough…to be his wife…his partner in anything…a mother, a woman. I wasn't good enough. Harris and his mother fed her all those stories about me. That's partly why she hated me so much. She had no…..no….freedom. The pills and the drinking are a confused, jumbled way of trying to cope. To keep your head above water. I know that much. I've been there."

"So has your ex-husband."


	5. Chapter 5

Gin. Whiskey. Vodka. Wine. All untouched. The only evidence of what had been were the two empty glasses; both on the table next to the large sofa. The fire was dying, embers scattered along the marble coating. Glowing, slower and slower until the light went out. Beneath a mane of peroxide gold, Judith Ryland's face, with its wrinkled skin and furrowed brow, watched the light go out. That night over 20 years ago returned to haunt her whenever she walked past the fireplace. When she believed she had extinguished the brightest light of all. The one that burnt in Harris' heart, that had shone so bright he had forgotten who he was and what he was and where he came from. Judith's eyes, bore into the dying embers, just as they had done into Ann's soul that night all those years ago. It had returned and woken her from a restless slumber. That light; heavy and all consuming.

Shuffling on bare feet and leaning on the mantelpiece, she turned to gaze around the living room. Without Harris in it, the house was large and empty. In fact, if Judith was honest about it, the house was always large and empty. Filled with so many material things at one time, yes, but ultimately void of laughter, happiness, meaning. Harris had made sure of that, she thought bitterly. She kept reminding him when he first brought that woman here that he should not be swayed so easily by someone who was…really nothing. The gilt frame holding a picture of Emma caught her eye as her mind wandered back through the many events that had taken place in this room. How she loved that young girl. Her heart grew heavy with the physical feeling of loss as she thought of Emma staying with her mother and soiling herself with that Ewing boy.

Clutching the picture, her eyes welled up. Emma had always been so beautiful. But she looked like her. There was no denying it. The eyes, the hair, the chin and even her nose were all gifted to her from that woman. Only Emma's natural temperament was unlike her mother, Judith mused. Of course, had she bothered to consider how controlled Emma's young mind was, Judith may have seen the awful conceit that her granddaughter conveyed to everyone. The arrogance and will to start a fight. The deep seated anger and confusion. However, Judith would also have convinced herself that Ann was the root cause of that….but she preferred not to dwell on those thoughts. They only led to questions. Questions had a requisite for answers.

Placing the frame back on the shelf, Judith cocked her head towards the ceiling. A sudden sound. Was that Harris getting up? A glance at the clock confirmed that 4am was too early for her son, who took every advantage of his sleep, to rise. Narrowing her eyes to slits, she recognized the vague outline of a stain forming on the ceiling. As if something was…..bleeding through. Closing her eyes, Judith felt her heart begin to palpitate. The sound she had heard a moment before was the same thud that had caused her to come down here. It was the same sound she heard all those years ago when…She wouldn't think about that now. It was all in her imagination anyway. Fairytales.

Her hand still resting on the bookshelf, she gripped the edge to be sure. Opening her eyes slowly, she lifted her head. The stain was gone. Grinning to herself, Judith chuckled aloud. Feeling the sting of tears filling her eyes, she burst out into laughter. Wild, manic laughter. Unchecked. Uncontrolled. Howling. Judith crumpled on the floor in a flood of hysteria.

* * *

"_Where are you going?"_

"_I-uh…I'm meeting a friend in town. Haven't seen her since high school."_

"_Her?"_

"_Yes, Judith. It's a woman."_

With that she had kissed Emma and left abruptly. Cradling the baby in the crook of her arm, Judith had stayed by the window, watching Ann leave. There was something different about that woman today. Maybe the talking to she and Harris had given her the night before would work this time. Push her over the edge. End that miserable existence she was calling "her" life. Half smiling to herself, Judith turned her attention to the baby in her arms. Tiny fingers outstretched, Emma gazed out the window wondering where her mama was gone.

"_It's alright, darling" _Judith cooed.

Later that afternoon, Ann returned.

"_Mamaaa!" _

"_Emma!"_

Taking her daughter from Judith's arms, Ann looked tired. Drained even.

"_How was your friend?"_

"_Hmm? Oh! Great! She's married with two kids."_

"_Two? How did she manage to meet you with two children, Ann? Not everyone is as fortunate as you are, you know. You have a babysitter on the premises."_

"_She…she brought them with her."_

It was clear from how dilated Ann's pupils were that she had dosed herself with some godforsaken pills. Probably alcohol too.

"_What are their names?"_

Hesitation. Too long. She had her.

"…_Jack and…."_

"_Jill?" _Judith grinned as if she had won a race.

"_Laura…"_ Ann had added with more than a degree of uncertainty.

"_Harris will be home early today, he called while you were out."_

Ann's eyes widened in alarm. Emma pulled at her mother's shoulder length dark hair in frustration.

"_Why? Why, is he alright? Is everything alright?" _The escalating tone in her voice caused Emma to whimper.

"_He's just fine." _

Nodding, Ann rocked Emma gently. _"I'm going to make dinner now then."_

With a smirk, Judith took the baby back into her arms as Ann nervously walked to the kitchen.

Ensuring that Ann was out of sight, Judith fingered the zipper on the handbag her daughter-in-law had carelessly dropped on the sofa. At that moment, Emma hit her grandmother on the chest. Grabbing the baby's hands in her talons, Judith quietly warned the child to shush.

Judith glimpsed a wad of papers at the bottom of the bag; her lips stretched towards the corners of her face as she carefully flicked the papers individually, expecting to find evidence of an affair. Her eyes fell on a slip of paper:

SUPERIOR COURT OF DALLAS IN THE STATE OF TEXAS

MARRIAGE OF:

Petitioner: ANN RYLAND (NEÉ SMITH)

Respondent: HARRIS RYLAND

Judith's black orbs blazed.

PETITION FOR: DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE

REASONS CITED: PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE

DECLARATION OF MINOR CHILDREN: 1….

Hands shaking, Judith drew the paper out of the handbag. This was unexpected. Blood, tears, dramatics, a large mess to clean up. Judith had expected that. It had never occurred to her that the wretch would have the strength to end the marriage.

Turning towards the door, she saw Ann standing before her horrorstruck, tears running down her cheeks.

Unable to form words, Judith did it for her.

"_You'd best leave now, if you know what's good for you."_


	6. Chapter 6

_Like porcelain._

That was all he could think as he stood watching the team of medics struggling to keep Ann breathing. Despite the panic around him, the noise quelled as he caught glimpses of her face and throat in between the movements. Watching her now behind glass, as doctors and nurses fought for her life, he knew he could only ever watch. After all this time and all that had happened, she was still beautiful in many ways. Especially because she was no longer his.

* * *

"Mrs Ewing? Mrs Ewing!"

Gradually, Ann lifted her eyelids. The light was blinding. Squinting, she opened her eyes as much as possible, making out a face that hovered above her.

"We were worried, you were unconscious for a long time."

Ann's forehead creased with strain. "Bobby…?" was all she could manage. The silence that surrounded her caused her to sit bolt upright. A group of nurses rallied around her in a loud fuss.

"Mrs Ewing, you have to be careful. No sudden movements, please."

Stunned by the pain rising in her back, neck and head, Ann cradled her face as she searched the room for Bobby.

"Where…? Wh-where am I?" she cried out.

"You're in Medical City Hospital in Dallas, Mrs Ewing. You fell while trying to help your family escape the fire in Southfork and you suffered a blow to the head. You were found outside, on the driveway, in the middle of a panic attack."

Struggling to take in the information, Ann shook her head rapidly in shock only to stop abruptly at the pain it caused.

"Where's Bobby?"

"Your husband is conscious, but he's in a lot of pain. We're making him as comfortable as possible."

"I need to see him." Ann scrambled off the table, using everything she had against the nurses who held her back. As her legs hit the floor, an overwhelming sense of nausea came with it. Retching, Ann fell to her knees, supported by a nurse on either side.

The nurses hauled Ann off the floor and seated her back onto the bed she had been lying on. "You can see him, but you need to calm down" said the approaching nurse who handed her a plastic cup of water and popped an iron tablet into Ann's open mouth.

"Mr Ewing was injured in the fire, his face is cut and he's very weak."

Ann felt something kick inside her. "He's what?"

"Weak." The doctor stared at her blankly. "We've given him a sedative to help him sleep."

"Can I see him now?"

The corridor seemed never-ending. Ann rubbed her palms against her jeans in an attempt to get the fearsome feeling in her gut to subside. Steadying her was an elderly nurse, who mindlessly chattered in a polite gesture of distraction. Ann was grateful for her, but the words evaporated into thin air.

"He's in here. They did warn you about the effects of the fire?"

Ann nodded. The door opened to reveal Bobby shrouded in white blankets; the stitches on his cheek looked fresh. Misty eyed, she stepped into the room.

"I'll leave this here for you." The nurse sidled out of the room and Ann pulled the chair closer to the bed.

Gently, Ann reached forward and touched Bobby's hand, her wedding ring glistening in the light. Why was this happening? None of it felt justified. It occurred to her that she had yet to see Sue Ellen and Christopher and a pang of guilt ran through her, adding to the already constricted feeling in her stomach. Explaining her absence to Bobby would be tough, but inevitable. Explaining why she left Sue Ellen when she knew the kind of trouble her friend could get herself into was another story.

"Bobby…I…hope you can hear me." Hesitation. Could he hear her? Standing up, Ann gasped as she realized that he was grey. The heart monitor told her that he was indeed alive, but to Ann he seemed like a graveyard reheat. Closing her eyes, Ann wished it all away; the turmoil of the last year, Judith and Harris re-entering her life, and even Emma. For a brief moment, Ann wished she had not been reunited with her daughter and that the consequent damage would never have been wreaked. She grunted aloud in frustration and shame at her own thoughts.

_It's my fault. All of this. I should never have lied to Bobby._

At that she opened her eyes and realised she had been pressing into Bobby's hand so hard that the skin had turned a bright white. He winced. Brief, but definite movement.

"Annie?"

Her eyes widened like saucers when she saw his lips move to form her name.

"Oh, Bobby…?"

Bobby's eyes fluttered open and his head turned mechanically towards her. His lids drooped heavily and the whites of his eyes were bloodshot and virtually unrecognizable. Struggling to hold back the tears, Ann squeezed his hand softly.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, Bobby I'm fine. How are you feeling?"

"I'm not sure." He turned his head to face straight in front of him.

Uncertainty flooded Ann's mind. Had the doctors made a mistake, she wondered. It appeared that Bobby was not merely injured from the fire, but severely damaged elsewhere. The flickering eyelids told her he had trouble focusing, while his shaky grip warned her of a potential aneurysm. It was only when he opened his mouth a moment later that she realized they were both in for something far more sinister than physical health worries.

"Where were you last night?"

Stabbing pains found their way up and down Ann's left arm as she panicked and fumbled for an answer. Noticing the small formation of blood on the sheets, she vividly recalled the evening before:

"_It's crazy, with everything that's happened in that house, not to feel…"_

"_Repulsed?"_

"_Afraid."_

"_Every time I came here when I was young….even when things were good between us…I always felt so…unsettled."_

"_That's called my mother. I'm sorry I was so weak, Annie."_

"_Weak? Back then, you were the strongest man I knew."_

"_Strong to you maybe, but I let her control me too much. Listened to her too much. And it all went awry."_

"_Well, it wasn't just you. I was young and reckless, running away from a life I didn't want. I think if I had paused for one second, I would have seen I was too young and too screwed up to think that runnin' off with anyone at 17 was a good idea."_

"_I don't know, I think we could have worked, Annie. I just think we never had a chance. And we should never have remained in this house, not with that woman livin' here, she destroys everything she ever touches. She destroyed the most important part of my life…. You."_

"Annie?"

Ann snapped back to the present with a start.

"I said where were you last night?"

Ann's lips went to form the words "I…." but she paused as her memory clicked into place. A sudden surge of energy or adrenalin, or both.

"Where were you, Bobby?"

"What?!"

"You stormed off and left me, in tears. You snapped at Sue Ellen and you told me to get _my_ daughter off of Southfork. Then you left. I know I should have told you, but I didn't deserve that."

"Oh, really?" Bobby almost snarled at her.

At that moment, something occurred to Ann. It occurred to her to do something she had never done before.

"The medication is probably still working, Bobby, they gave you a sedative." She stood up reflecting more confidence than she felt. Bobby looked up at her. "I'm going to see Sue Ellen and Christopher and we can talk later when you've had a chance to think-"

"Sue Ellen? Sue Ellen was in the fire?! Where the hell were you, Annie? I left you with her, one of us was supposed to be responsible for her at all times!"

Ann stood rooted to the ground as it dawned on her that while managing to withhold one piece of information, she had inadvertently given a whole new piece away.

'I'm not arguing with you. I need you to think about what happened yesterday afternoon."

With that she walked out of the room, feeling every inch a coward.


	7. Chapter 7

1992. Dallas.

The days before mobile phones, meant many things to the people of Texas. Being resourceful was one of them. Fearful of what Harris would do when he discovered her plans to divorce him, Ann went to meet him at his office. She would get there before Judith had a chance to be cruel. For once, she would talk to him alone and explain herself. She would stand up to him. As she walked into the car park at Ryland Transportation she told herself this time it would be different. Final. And it was as she looked around that she realized Harris must have left early. The time it would take her to walk back to the house meant that Harris would be there before her and he would find out everything from his mother. Judith had beaten her to it. Again.

Tears streamed from her eyes and despair took over. Unable to bear the inevitable, she sank to the ground and wept. It was at this time that an old friend stopped by. Although Ann knew they weren't actually friends at all, that it was a messy co-dependence, it didn't stop her. The bar around the corner was her go to when she had to face Harris over…well, anything.

The bar man acknowledged her with the same understanding that one gives to an injured animal. Whenever Ann showed up and walked through the saloon doors, she was met with kind, knowing eyes, crinkled skin, pleasantries and of course, a drink. Approaching the bar counter, Ann looked right through the server.

"Vodka martini, please."

"Before you bother taking a sip of that, why don't you come over here and give me a hug?"

Her stomach dropped. Her eyes searched up along the bartender's neck and face for some sort of exposition. The slate of mirrored glass behind his head boasted of Jack Daniels and Jameson. It also reflected her husband's face as he stood behind her, boring into the back of her head.

Turning on her heel, Ann tried to mask her trembling chin and lower lip. The silence felt as though Harris had threatened to shoot everyone in the bar and his eyes blazed with a fury redolent of that same threat. Gesturing towards a booth at the back of the bar, Harris began to tap his fingers in impatience against his belt buckle. Her eyes fell to the ground and with everything she had, Ann uprooted her feet from the wooden floor. Refusing to take his eyes off of her, Harris watched her walk past him and followed her to the booth.

Standing in front of the table, Ann saw that he had already ordered a bottle of Chianti. The straw fiasco encasing the green glass that in turn held the fine red drug. It was waiting for her. Waiting to drown her.

"Have a seat." Harris gently touched her back as he waited for her to sit; to Ann it felt more like an executioner calling her to take to the electric chair. Reluctantly, she sat.

"You know, very few Chianti producers use the straw basket any more. Hard to get." She could feel his eyes on her face.

"Remember when we took that trip to Tuscany? Met the winemakers."

Ann's eyes moved to meet his. Was he serious?

"Do you remember that bottle we got in Siena? Gaiole in Chianti? It was your favourite."

Ann nodded.

"It takes Sangiovese grapes to make Chianti. What was it they told us Sangiovese means…in Latin?"

He was watching her intently, as if he expected her to attack him. The way a poacher eyes up a jaguar, each expecting the other to launch into battle.

"Blood of Jove." Ann replied clearly, holding his gaze.

Harris chuckled. "That's right, I was hoping you'd remember."

Cocking an eyebrow, Ann looked down at the open bottle. Unless she had misunderstood his tone, Harris was not here to fight with her.

"Now that you're here…why don't we have a little chat?"

There it was. Ann felt her throat constrict as though she was being slowly garroted.

"Annie, I don't know what came over me last night. There's no reason for you to want to change your appearance, sweetheart. You're beautiful as you are…that was all I meant. My mother is just protecting you. She doesn't know what she's saying when she gets like that. We didn't mean it." He smiled that tender way he used to when they first met.

Keeping her eyes on him, Ann tried to steady herself. Could this work to her advantage, for once?

Harris extended his arm to take up the bottle. She watched his hand as he poured her a glass. So steady. He held the base in an effortless grip with the neck hanging in mid-air. The wine poured like blood, dancing in a larger pool of its own essence. Watching it flow made Ann feel like she was being exsanguinated and Harris was about to serve her a glass of her own life source.

"I haven't eaten" she blurted out.

The pouring stopped. He raised his eyes to meet hers, gleaming with worry. Setting the bottle down, Harris reached behind its resting place, retrieving a menu. Handing her the card, his fingertips brushed against her hand lightly. Unsure if the contact was accidental, Ann quickly lowered the menu towards her chest. After a moment she looked up at him. He was watching her.

"Are you eating?"

"I'll eat if you're eating. Whatever you want, sweetheart."

When Ann had first been prescribed anti-depressants, Harris had removed all the alcohol from the house in an effort to protect her. Knowing that alcohol could kill her while on the medication, he had tried to save her from herself. The following day, he had found her in the booth they were sitting in now. As she recalled that moment he had happened upon her over a year ago, Ann began to form a question, but stopped short when she considered how the consequences of asking how he knew she would be here today would play out.

Instead, she dropped her eyes to the menu, eliciting a muted sigh from her husband. Noticing how deflated he looked at her lack of enthusiasm, Ann quickly picked up on the sign:

"Emma saw an ad for the company on tv today…"

Harris raised his head in interest. 'Oh?"

"She said….dada."

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, Harris' face broke into an authentic smile that turned to happy laughter. Ann felt her chest lurch as she realized how heavy the atmosphere had been.

"Our little girl…I wish I'd been there to hear her."

Ann's eyes fell to the table.

"I wish you'd been there too."

Their eyes met. There was something moving behind that wall he had put up. Yes, everything about Harris Ryland was solid. Especially the walls he built to keep his wife out. Yet, Ann saw the look he gave her. Weakness.

Something stirred in Harris. Whether it was guilt, or fear he couldn't tell, but something was happening. Her eyelids were swollen and red while her eyes glistened from the many tears she had cried in the previous 24 hours. It broke his heart. Before he could think it through, before he could consider the consequences, Harris got up and took the menu out of Ann's hands. Around to her side of the table, he seated himself beside her and took her face in his hands. Bringing her closer to him, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her lips against his. Ann felt her heart burst with the comfort of having him to herself. Emotion tugged at her chest until she had to release it. The kiss was broken by Ann crying out, but he caught her lips again, refusing to stop. Sustenance and warmth; two things they had only ever found in each other were granted to them in that moment. When Ann placed her fingertips against his cheek, Harris felt his skin burn. He couldn't bear it.

"Don't go, Ann…please" he gasped into her mouth.

Eyes wide, Ann stared at him in shock as he continued to kiss her. Her lips wouldn't budge. He opened his eyes in confusion.

Her heart pounded in her chest as it suddenly hit her that he had in fact been pleading with her to stay where they were at the bar, to indulge him and have dinner with him. His eyes locked into hers and she knew it was too late. He could read her mind through those shining green orbs.

A snort of derision.

"Say it."

She watched as his pupils, enlarged from the amorous activity of less than 60 seconds previous, shrank back to their hardened state.

"Say it, Ann." His voice was becoming quietly dangerous.

"I'm thinking of leaving you, Harris."

Ann had never understood what she saw in his eyes after that. At the time, in her weakened and terrified state, she would have said simply, that he was angry. It wasn't until many years later that she would come to understand that this was the moment she had never seen coming. This was the moment she broke Harris Ryland's heart.

"Would you like to order food?"

"NO!" Harris roared, silencing the bar. Ann wasn't sure if his response was directed at her or the waiter, who slowly backed away from the booth.

Despite all the psychological degradation she had suffered from her husband and his mother, it made Ann's stomach knot to see Harris fight back tears. His silence spoke volumes. Words seemed useless, insulting almost. So, Ann did the only thing she could think of.

She held his hand.

"Let's go home." Harris finally broke the deafening white noise. Getting up abruptly, he walked outside before Ann had even gotten up. Hesitating, she looked out the window and saw him walk to the parking lot at the back of the building. Eventually, she followed him.

Harris stood over the side of the bonnet of his car, hands flat on the cold metal. He seemed to be staring down, either at his own reflection or at an imperfection on the car. If the car had the ability to show Harris the many flaws within himself that had led to this moment, he would have totaled it with his bare hands.

"Harris, I…"

"Is this really all I'm to expect, Annie?" He stood back from the car, searching her face for an answer.

"What?"

"Everything I've put into us, building our life as a family…? This is…you think you could leave?"

It seemed to be more of a threat towards the end, than a question and Ann noticed the shift in tone.

"After everything I've done for you?"

Ann couldn't deal with his anger any more. Even the slightest sense of rage bubbling over made her want to run. She turned and walked away from him.

"Annie? ANN!" He roared as he followed her.

Stopping dead in her tracks, Ann felt his hands on her arms as he turned her to face him.

"Have you been taking your meds like you're supposed to, sweetheart?"

She nodded as her tears fell. Harris pulled her to him. He wasn't able to admit it, but he was panicking. If he lost her, he lost everything. Ann was his only grip on sanity. She made him feel like he had some form of control. Especially in that house. With that woman.

"Sweetheart, how about we look at counseling or a therapist huh?"

Ann felt any resolve she had earlier that evening drain away along with her energy. His arms were strong and right now, she needed a crutch.

"I'm so tired" she wept into his neck.

"I know, sweetheart. I know." He slammed his eyes shut as he felt the last remaining raw piece of his heart blacken.

"Can you just try? For me and for Emma?"

Harris felt Ann's eyes squeeze shut as she wept against him. Her eyelashes stroked his skin with light, wet streaks of black mascara as she nodded her compliance with his wish.

The drive home was silent. Pulling into the driveway, Harris looked into the rearview mirror. Ann was beyond tired and certainly unable for what he could see was about to happen as he recognized the familiar shape looming in the front window of the house. To his surprise, Ann opened the passenger door and climbed out swiftly. Shutting it behind her, she looked over at him through the glass.

Ann opened the front door, with Harris walking behind her.

"Well, this certainly is a surprise."

Judith leaned against the mantelpiece eyeing Ann up and down.

"I'm sorry I ran out without saying anything. I felt…unwell."

"I bet you did." That look was enough to make a saint take a swing at Judith.

Too tired and bewildered to fight, Ann decided no more apologies were to be made.

"Goodnight, Judith."

"Ann?" She stopped and turned towards Harris.

"What do you mean you 'ran out'?"

A strange thing happened as Harris said this. Ann saw that this was a warning. It wasn't his intention to warn her, of course, but she realized instantly that what was about to happen would not be pleasant for anyone involved. Confirmation of this was delivered in Judith's smirk.

"I…left Emma with your mother. So I could meet you."

Harris moved his head back, as one does when they have just been obviously lied to.

"No, Ann. You didn't come to meet me, I met you, remember?"

"No, I came to your office looking for you…you had-"

"I met you in the bar, Ann. Like I always do when there's something wrong."

Judith chimed in "I told Harris about your little outing today, Ann. He knew to act accordingly."

Turning her attention to her son, Judith offered "I suppose she told you what she was really doing today?"

Ann felt her heart skip several beats as Harris' stare became more pointed.

"No. It didn't come up."

Judith smiled triumphantly. "Really, Ann? You go to the trouble of having divorce papers drawn up and you don't even have the courtesy to inform my son."

It started in her legs and worked its way up through her stomach and her chest until it reached her head. Shaking.

"Divorce…" it came in a whisper from him, but it was still deadly.

Paralysed with fear, Ann realized just how effective her medication was. The anti-depressants were not only masking her problems, they were also killing her brain cells. No response issued from her. No sound. No gesture. Just pure, white, tangible fear for her life.

"YOU FILED DIVORCE PAPERS?" Harris bellowed louder than either woman had ever heard from him. Shaking like a leaf, Ann nodded her head. Judith remained by the fire, gloating.

"If you know what's good for you, you'll dump them and take up therapy, LIKE I ASKED!"

Vague shimmers and sparkles filled the space that made up Ann's vision. It was too much. Gone.

She had awoken some time later in the dark. Fumbling to make out where she was, she found a familiar light switch. Illuminated, the room echoed back to her that she was alone in her and Harris' bedroom. He must have put her there. Where was he? The clock read 3.15am. The window to the master bedroom was cloaked in the heavy curtains she had picked out on their honeymoon. Getting up, she padded over to the window.

Pushing back the curtains slightly, Ann saw the dimly lit living room that jutted out in front. Shadows. Yes, Harris was there. Pacing the room. He looked agonized. Pondering whether she should go down to talk to him, Ann suddenly noticed there was someone else in the room. A shadow fell over Harris as he reclined in his chair. Judith perched herself on the arm of the recliner cradling her son to her chest. As her eyes brimmed with tears for the hundredth time that day and night, Ann blinked rapidly as she saw Judith turn. Harris with his back to the window was oblivious to the movement. It was so subtle after all, as Judith turned to look up; smirking.

Blaming the day's events for her migraine and confusion, Ann tried to ignore what she saw. Tomorrow was another day and she could spend it with Emma while she worked out a way to leave her husband. Ann made her way back to bed whilst trying to distract herself with activities she could do with Emma.

The State Fair was in town, there was always that.


	8. Chapter 8

Ann paced the corridor from Bobby's room to Christopher's. Inside, Chris lay unconscious on life support. Struggling to contain her tears, she sat down by his bedside and took his hand in hers.

"I'm so sorry, Christopher."

Watching her stepson's chest rise and fall mechanically as a machine breathed for him, Ann felt a sudden surge of fresh emotion. Closing her eyes she placed her head forward against the edge of the bed. Instantly, her body felt lighter as she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Made your mind up yet, darlin'?"

"There's nothing to make my mind up about."

"You can't cross a bridge until it's built, Ann."

Emitting a snort of contempt and derision, Ann hastily added "There are no bridges any more. I think it's pretty safe to say, any bridges that once existed have been burned."

"Darlin, you just stood up to Bobby. That's new. "

"I was angry. I am angry."

"Well, that may be, but you stood up for yourself. And your daughter. Throwing that line back at Bobby was a first. Hell, I was impressed."

"Well, I'm glad someone finds all this amusing."

"It's not amusing, Ann. Not in the least. Bobby's still family and you got yourself into this mess long before you married him. Now, if you know what's good for you, you'll-"

"Stop it! I wish people would stop saying that to me! I know what's good for me. I've always known. It's just that what's good for me has never been what I wanted."

"Ain't that the truth?"

The smug smile again. Although, Ann noticed there was no badness behind this one.

"So, what are you gonna do, darlin'?"

* * *

The chilling sound of an abnormally loud beep startled her from slumber.

"Mrs Ewing, we need you out of the room." A doctor and a number of nurses burst in, lifting Ann out of the chair.

"Wh-what's happening to him?"

"He's having a seizure. We need you outside. Now!"

Her heart felt heavy again as she watched the team scrambling to save Christopher's life. Feeling her legs give way, Ann stumbled away from the glass and sat down on the first chair she could find. An indeterminable amount of time passed and the white noise that filled her head was deafening in its silence.

"Annie?" The deep drawl cut out everything else.

_This is unbelievable_ she thought. Rolling her eyes at the sheer likelihood of this situation happening, Ann lifted her head.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Harris." Knowing she had been unnecessarily abrupt, Ann held his gaze slightly longer than she would have normally. Her tears and exhausted expression told him she was far from fine. Nodding, he knelt down and reached out to touch her shaking arms.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright. My man called me, I'm sorry I was so late getting to the house, I didn't hear my phone, it was-"

Ann shook her head violently. "There's something wrong with Bobby."

Considering that he had always believed there was something wrong with Bobby, Harris struggled to keep his cool. Pushing his own thoughts aside, he asked:

"What dya mean, something?"

"The fire, he was injured in it. Badly. I-I don't know if he's…"

Crumbling forward into her lap, Ann wept. Tentatively, Harris wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. There was a warmth enveloping her; a strong sense of safety.

"He's so angry with me."

Pausing to choose his words carefully, Harris went to ask the same question a number of different ways.

"Aren't you angry with him too?" he finally settled on.

Ann sat up straighter to look at him. After a long silence and an uncertain glance from her ex-husband, she answered:

"Yes, but….Emma has caused a lot of trouble since she came to live with us."

Harris' eyes fell to the floor. Racked with guilt, he sighed knowingly. It had always bothered him how Ann had a weakness for compassion and guilt. For years, he masked this by allowing her to think she was weak herself, when in fact, Harris could not have been more envious. It was yet another quality Ann possessed that reminded him how fortunate he was to have met her.

"I told you, I will fix this. I promise."

Wishing she could feel reassured by that, Ann merely looked down to the floor.

"Mrs Ewing?"

The doctor looked at them curiously.

"Your husband is asking to see you."

Confused, Ann looked at her watch. "But…I only saw him an hour ago…?"

Harris and the doctor consecutively raised an eyebrow at her response.

"Mrs Ewing, my team found you in your stepson's room, sleeping. You spent the night there."

Ann consulted her watch again before returning a stupefied look. A second glance confirmed that the watch was broken as she noticed the second hand tick back and forth, stuck in time. Literally.

Uncomfortable at the close proximity of her ex-husband and her current husband lying in the next room, Ann shifted from her seat quickly. Turning to look at him, Ann saw a maelstrom of regret flowing in Harris' eyes. That compassion that he so longed for, surfaced as she offered him a weak smile.

With that, he stood up to leave.

* * *

Bobby sat upright with his head hanging slightly forward over a tray of the most unappetizing food Ann had ever seen. There were a lot of things that private healthcare could get you, but an a la carte menu was not one of them.

"Aren't you going to sit down?"

At that moment, Ann wanted to crawl into bed and not talk to anyone for at least a week until everything blew over, but finding herself with no other option, she sat. Stared. Waited.

"Aren't you going to say anything?"

Despite her anger towards him, Ann felt deeply responsible for Bobby's wounds. The pained expression in his eyes spoke of mental scars as well as the physical ones.

"What do you want me to say?"

"I want an explanation, Ann! A reason why you would leave Sue Ellen in the house alone, why would you let her cause harm to herself and others like that?"

Ann's mouth dropped open. It was clear he hadn't changed his tune overnight, nor was he likely to.

"It's not as if I intentionally set out to leave her there and have an accident, Bobby! How can you accuse me of such a thing?"

"Where were you last night, Annie? I came back to find you. I went looking for you. I was worried sick."

Inhaling silently and deeply, Ann steadied herself.

"Where do you think I was, Bobby?"

His bloodshot, murky eyes met her own glistening green ones. He saw the anger gathering there. The hurt. Furrowing his brow, Bobby watched his wife grow angrier.

"Harris?"

"Yes."

Nothing.

"Is that all you have to say?"

"I went to see Harris because you told me to. I told him that Emma has to move back in with him. Like you said."

"And?"

"And he agreed."

Bobby's eyes narrowed. "He agreed? Just like that?"

"Of course. He misses her."

A sarcastic guffaw from Bobby set Ann's temper alight. It was enough that he had ordered Emma off the ranch after promising Ann that both of them would always be safe on Southfork. Rising out of her seat, eyes blazing, she moved towards him.

"Yesterday you said Southfork was your home, that you would protect everyone in it with your life. She's my daughter, Bobby. I'm your wife."

"I know that, Ann, but she's dangerous…and Ryland should be the one keeping her in check anyway. He's the one who messed her up."

Ann could feel a rage burning from within that she had never experienced before.

"Annie?"

"I'll speak to you tomorrow."

"ANN!? ANNIE?!"

And with that, Ann left as swiftly as she had arrived.

* * *

Outside Bobby's room, Ann looked around. Catching herself looking for trouble, Ann kept walking.

"Mrs Ewing?"

Coming to a standstill, Ann momentarily wondered if being called Mrs Ryland had irritated her this much. Of course, she had never been referred to by either name so often in a 24 hour period before.

"How is Mr Ewing?"

"Agitated. He needs to rest."

"Agitated?"

"Yes. It's been a long night. When will he be coming home?"

"He should be back with you by next week. His tests came back and everything looks fine, just some external injuries."

Ann hovered as though she was about to collapse. So, the expression in his eyes, the suffering, the pain….it was psychological?

"Mrs Ewing? Are you alright?"

"Yes, fine. Thank you. Can I go home now? I'd like to rest."

The doctor cocked her head considering the question.

"Your home was destroyed in the fire, Mrs Ewing. I'm sorry, I thought you knew that. Do you have alternative arrangements?"

Ann closed her eyes. The stress had caused her to forget that the integral piece of her journey home was missing.

"Yes…I…."

"With everything that's happened, the shock and trauma…you may not have realized."

Suddenly, Ann felt a dreadful heaviness enter her heart.

"Can I see Sue Ellen Ewing?"

* * *

_Harris had never felt fear like he did upon hearing the word "divorce." How could she do this to him? Pacing the study in anger, he felt a deep seated sense of humiliation. She had been intending to hide it from him. For how long? How long had she been thinking about leaving him?_

_"You know we'll be better off with her gone, Harris."_

_"Don't say that, mother. Ann's unwell, she needs help…so do I."_

_Judith elongated her neck in a gesture of surprise. "What exactly do you need help with?" she asked in a dangerous tone._

_Staring into the glass of bourbon on his desk, Harris stood with his back to his mother. Deciding it would be better not to venture an honest answer, he worded the only coherent thought that came to mind._

_"I need to make sure Emma's taken care of. I'm worried about A-"_

_"Emma will be just fine." Judith had an unnerving drawl and emphasis on certain words. Words that Harris had learned were the ones he needed to pay attention to. In this case, the emphasis was on Emma. Not Ann._

_"I don't know what to do." he said with disgust and endless self-loathing._

_"Aren't you lucky you have me, then?"_

_Turning to face her, Harris gave an enquiring look. Angry though he was, he felt an overwhelming concern for his daughter._

_"It's time to reevaluate, Harris."_

_"Ann's agreed to see a therapist, we can-"_

_"That woman spends her time high on alcohol and prescription drugs – that we know of…"_

_Harris' eyes widened at the suggestion._

_"…how can you believe a single word she says?_

_"She wouldn't do that, she wouldn't lie to me."_

_"Oh. Except that she has."_

_"What?"_

_Judith smiled triumphantly at her son, which was something she did frequently when she knew something he didn't._

_"All those doctor's visits to get tranquilizer shots? You didn't really believe that poor excuse, did you?"_

_Harris watched her warily._

_"All those times she would come back here, pretending to have gotten a shot, but she'd still be manic like a deer caught in the headlights?"_

_Judith had learned early on from her son's reactions that he never knew when she was lying. Right now, he was teetering on the knife edge of believing her. This was her chance. A window of opportunity._

_"You know she was drunk, Harris. And she stank of cologne. Men's cologne."_

_A sharp inhale. Harris grit his teeth as Judith continued._

_"She wouldn't do that."_

_"As a mother, it was sickening to watch her come back to this house that you insisted we take her into and see her make a fool of you."_

_Harris trembled. Glancing at the bourbon he felt nauseous._

_"Don't let her make a fool of you, Harris. You've lost so much time to her already. I won't let you lose the most precious thing in our lives to that woman."_


	9. Chapter 9

Outside the hospital, Harris hit the alarm on his car. It was never going to be their time, he thought. Any window of opportunity he may have once had was long gone. There was always too much history in the way. The sad fact about history, as Harris Ryland knew all too well, is that it cannot be changed. There was also the unfaltering fact that Ann was married to someone else; somewhat happily. Bobby had always stood out to Harris as the decent Ewing brother; despite the last year there was a sense of respect that remained in Harris' mind for his foe. As the car door slid closed beside him, he looked across at the oncoming ambulance. Sitting remarkably still, Harris felt his breath re-enter his body. He looked on as a team of men and women hauled a stretcher out of the ambulance and moved straight into the ER. In that moment, the fragility of life had never seemed so clear to him. Closing his eyes, he remembered that first Christmas with Ann and his mother, all those years ago. When an already tense living situation had exploded into full on war.

* * *

"_Annie? Mother?"_

"_Harris!" she ran to greet him, breathless, panicked and drenched in a substance he didn't recognize._

"_Something's wrong with Judith, I found her a few minutes ago. An ambulance is on its way."_

_When Harris followed her into the living room, he stopped dead in his tracks. Ann knelt at Judith's side, begging the crumpled mess on the floor to respond. She was virtually unrecognizable beneath the mound of platinum blonde hair and torn trouser suit. He watched motionless as Ann carefully lifted strands of his mother's hair away from her face, revealing lipstick that was smeared right out from Judith's lips up to her cheekbones. Like a Glasgow smile, he had thought._

"_Harris?"_

_Unable to move, he remained fixed to the floor as the cogs in his brain turned. In an effort to keep his mother's madness from Ann, he had refrained from telling her about Judith's ventures into the world of prostitution. Although it had never been explicitly discussed between himself and his mother, he knew what she was doing. The strange influx of credit to the Ryland Transportation Account had raised more than a few eyebrows, as had the acquisition of a number of townhouses and cars that were to be rented to "employees". Still, Harris had chosen to ignore it for the most part. Maybe he shouldn't have been so ignorant. _

_Sirens approached fast, as the red and blue lights flashed brighter and brighter, until they were outside the Ryland residence. Judith was still unresponsive when the medics entered the house. Ann was frantically explaining that she had come in from the kitchen and found Judith spread-eagled on the living room floor. Harris couldn't focus. His brain was overheating as many thoughts, none of them pleasant, gathered at the forefront of his mind. Turning to look out the window, he didn't hear Ann calling him to speak to the medics. _

_Exactly how much danger were they in? How could he break this to Ann? They hadn't even been married a year. It was bad enough that his mother had insisted on living with them, but now she had brought her side business into the equation and with it came peril. Harris tousled with the idea that his mother might have been subjected to more sinister things than immediately met the eye. She had certainly been attacked he thought, but why and how would anyone dump her here without being noticed?_

"_Harris?"_

_Wheeling around, he saw Ann's frightened expression as she gazed straight at him. A male medic stood behind her with an inquisitive look._

"_Mr. Ryland, sir…are you alright?"_

"_Yes. What happened to my mother?"_

"_We're not sure, but she appears to have been drinking. Quite a lot."_

_Harris' eyes enlarged as he stared through the man in front of him. To Ann, however, this did not seem to be such a surprise._

"_There's a strong smell of liquor from your mother, Mr. Ryland. Her eyes are glassy and inflamed…and she's unable to stand or respond from dehydration."_

"_She wasn't attacked?"_

"_No, sir. Your wife has just said she was here the whole time. No one entered the house all day."_

_Harris looked to Ann, who was shaking and clearly concerned. _

"_We're taking your mother to City Hospital where she will be on a drip for rehydration. Can you give us your contact details and the hospital will call to let you know when she can come home?"_

_Just then, Judith was being carried out with both arms draped around the necks of two assistants. Head bobbing, feet dragging; it looked like a scene from a hanging, Harris thought. That was until the assistants carried her past Ann, and Judith slurred an incoherent term in her general direction. The slur was inaudible to Harris, but he noticed Ann's face darken and her shoulders slump. He watched his wife walk slowly towards the living room as he gave his phone number to the medic._

_Alone and all too confused at what had happened, Harris followed Ann into the living room. Sensing his presence in the room, she leaned forward as she scrubbed at the stains in the rug. Her hair fell down, shielding her face at the side. Perhaps if she kept scrubbing at a steady pace, he would go away. Ann didn't really want him to go away, she wanted him to comfort her. Pinching her arm she winced as tears gathered in her eyes. Footsteps. Slow, but nearing her. His shoes and trousers arrived in front of her. Scrubbing harder, Ann felt the tears she had worked so hard to hide, betray her and fall straight onto her hands as she moved them through the shaggy material. Grasping her arms, Harris lifted her up._

"_What happened?"_

_Gulping silently, Ann pulled him to her and enveloped his lips gently. Initially, he returned the embrace, but stopped a few moments later._

"_Annie?"_

_Walking over to the sofa, Ann perched on the edge of the seat looking up at him. _

"_Harris, can you tell me what happened to your father…please?"_

_Holding her gaze for longer than he meant to, Harris snarled slightly._

"_Please?"_

"_He committed suicide before I was born, Annie. You know that. Left us with nothing. My mother built everything we have from scratch." He proceeded to walk away from her, towards the drinks cabinet._

"_Do you believe that?"_

_Harris halted mid-step._

_Not long into their short marriage, Ann had learned that silence was not always golden. In fact, she had come to understand that silence was an incredibly dangerous companion. Especially when it involved the past._

"_Don't you think there's been enough drama for one day? Really? You want to get into this now, Ann?"_

_Harris glanced over his shoulder at her. The drawl had been enough to cease her inquiries. Turning back, Harris continued toward the drinks cabinet and withdrew a decanter filled with what looked like brandy. After some consideration, he returned the crystal container and removed an indistinguishable bottle. As he poured, he took in his surroundings._

"_Drink, Annie? You look like you could use one?"_

"_I don't feel much like drinking, Harris."_

_From the moment he had reached the cabinet, Ann closed her eyes hoping that his 20/20 vision was having an off day. Upon feeling the seat next to her sag as it bore his weight, she opened her eyes again. _

"_Wine?" He offered the goblet shaped glass to her._

_Eyeing him carefully, Ann reluctantly accepted. Taking an extra-long glug, she mentally prepared her next question. Harris interrupted her train of thought._

"_Where were you today?"_

"_Here!" she answered quickly, truthfully, but defensively. _

"_How come you weren't here when this happened?" Although accusatory, the tone was confused._

_Ann placed the glass down firmly on the table and glared at him in anger._

"_I was in the kitchen. Making dinner. I didn't know Judith was here until I came in to get some wine for…" she trailed off, looking upset._

"_For what..?"_

"_Cooking. She was here, on the floor. Sobbing. When I went over to her, she screamed at me."_

_There is an undeniable knot that tightens in each and everyone's stomachs at certain times in life. For some of us, it can be learning that someone close to us has died, or just as we break up with somebody. For Harris Ryland, his stomach garroted itself one night as he sat next to his crying bride while she detailed the abuse she had suffered at the mouth of his mother. This was not a feeling of sympathy, nor was it one of sorrow, although he also felt both of these emotions. No, this was an entirely different feeling; known only to those who have experienced the gravest tragedies. In feeling multiple knots tighten and strain, Harris knew he was powerless to stop it. It was the sensation that death had knocked upon his door and had been given an open invitation to slowly massacre the light that had been brought into the dark of his life._

* * *

Opening his eyes too quickly, Harris squinted as the colours clouding his vision were tainted with green hues from the sudden contrast of the daylight. Turning his key in the ignition, he sped off home.

The house he shared with his mother was grand, elegant. A mansion with beveled wood paneling, exquisite furniture, sleigh beds and the finest fabrics. To Harris however, the house was a garish example of the lurid taste his mother possessed. While the decorating was not specifically her doing, it screamed of being too fine for the people who lived within its walls. There was a soulfulness enriched in that wood, mortar and granite construction; one that failed to permeate the lives of its inhabitants.

This was not always the case. When they had left Dallas after he and Ann divorced, Harris had tried to revel in the luminosity a fresh start could bring. The feelings he harnessed for Ann had eaten away at him, with his resulting actions rotting him to the core, ensuring he never enjoyed any activity the way he once had. The only light left in his life had been his infant daughter. Knowing Emma had been down the hall and that he could keep a watchful eye on everything she did, had brought him a sense of misguided comfort.

Since their return to Dallas and to that house where so much had unfolded, he had barely slept. Each night, Harris climbed the staircase to his bed for another dose of restless sleep and each night the same empty, hollowness echoed back at him. While Ann resented his heinous actions in stealing their daughter, she had not recognized the graveness of what he had done to himself. The cancerous evil he had allowed to take control of his mind. It was only when he returned to this godforsaken city and saw her again, a vision in his office, that he realized once and for all, what he had done.


	10. Chapter 10

Sue Ellen Ewing had always been a fine looking woman. Even now, bruised and fragile, she still carried that class and grace that had first attracted her late ex-husband. Ann could see how easily men would have fallen for her friend, particularly when they got to know her lovable personality. Stroking her arm tenderly, Ann lay her own hand over Sue Ellen's.

"Ann?"

Her head shot up.

"Sue Ellen?"

A meek smile confirmed that Sue Ellen was indeed awake and cogent.

"Oh, thank God!" Ann couldn't hide her tears as she heard a nurse enter the room to tend to the patient.

"What happened?" Sue Ellen asked.

Ann's face fell. The inevitable had come, as she knew it would.

"There was a fire at your home, Ms Ewing. One of your ranch hands has been arrested, he's believed to have started the fire. You were found unconscious in a bedroom of the house. You had been drinking."

Just like that, the nurse had done the explaining for her.

Sue Ellen turned to look at Ann bearing a slightly confused expression. Her gaze was not returned, as Ann stared at the bed-sheets to deflect her guilt until the moment the nurse left the room.

"Sue Ellen, I…"

"Oh, Ann were you hurt?" Sue Ellen sounded more than a bit concerned. Noticing that Ann's eyes were filled to the brim with tears, she squeezed her hand.

Ann shook her head, no. This was harder than she had anticipated. Harder than breaking the news to Bobby, which seemed odd to her.

"I wasn't there, Sue Ellen. I let you down. I'm so sorry. Bobby and Christopher are here too, they were trying to rescue both of us."

Sue Ellen's lips parted in surprise at the admission.

"It's all my fault."

"Ann…"

The two ladies held each other's gaze.

"I'm the one who should be apologizing. I have a problem. I'm a grown woman and I shouldn't need round the clock minding simply because the bottle is too attractive to me right now."

Beginning to form a sentence, Ann started in a whisper:

"Sue Ellen, I…"

"I had a dream, Ann."

This was strange. Never one to interrupt, Sue Ellen met her friend's confused stare with a smile.

"Before you tell me what you're about to tell me…can I tell you about this dream? It really was…so unusual."

Ann blinked back the tears and nodded.

"You were in the dream with me….and so was JR." She said the last part with a heartwarming smile.

Unable to help it, Ann felt a smile appear on her own lips at the fondness in Sue Ellen's voice for the family legend.

"Now, JR made mistakes and I think he felt truly sorry for some of them at the end of his life…but he was wise too. Smarter than any man I've ever known. Even Bobby."

A wince. It didn't go unnoticed by Sue Ellen.

"He told me you had to make a choice. And that I had to make one too. We both had to let go of things that were holding us back."

Swallowing hard, Ann felt a familiar chill.

"He said we would both make the right choice in the end. He was sure of that much."

After a brief, but resounding silence, Ann commented: "I admire his confidence."

Sue Ellen smiled with enough beautiful energy to light up the room.

"I learned a long time ago, that when JR Ewing tells you to do the right thing, you do it. One way or another."

Again, Ann struggled to vocalize what she wanted to say. Not knowing what Sue Ellen's reaction would be, especially after all her dealings with Harris, she decided it was best to leave her friend out of it. No good could come of more people being involved in this.

"So, what did Harris say about having Emma move back in with him?"

Ann's eyes trailed up to Sue Ellen's face in shock.

"I may be a drunk, Ann, but I have a pretty good memory. If it's any consolation, Bobby was out of line."

Since they had first met, Ann had always appreciated the warmth and understanding that radiated from Sue Ellen. There was nothing that she felt unable to confide in her. Apart from this.

"He asked if I thought Bobby would calm down after sleeping on it. I said I wasn't sure. You know, I think he's happy to take her back, he keeps promising to fix this mess….but I'm not so sure he wants to have Emma and his mother under the same roof."

Acknowledging the difficulty that was Judith, Sue Ellen squeezed Ann's hand again in reassurance.

"Are Bobby and Christopher alright?"

"Christopher had a seizure a few hours ago, but he recovered and he's breathing normally now. Bobby…well, Bobby has facial injuries from the fire, but he's….he should be able to come home next week."

Knowing that she had sounded less than enthused at this prospect, Ann sighed in exasperation.

"I don't know where things stand with us, Sue Ellen. He's not prepared to forgive me, or admit that he was wrong about Emma. I-I know I was wrong, but I'm so angry with him."

"Good."

Ann tilted her head in surprise.

"I'd rather you be angry, than upset."

* * *

Harris pulled into the driveway in front of his house. Sighing, he got out of the car and tried to mentally prepare himself for the questions that would be fired at him for his absence. As he reached to push the front door, it opened at the hands of his daughter.

"Emma? What are you doin' here?"

"I'm here to see Grandmother. Where have you been? She was asking after you all day."

Ignoring the question, Harris strode past her, shutting the front door. The grandfather clock in the hall told the time; 5pm. He really had been gone all day. Pausing briefly as he took the information in, Harris walked towards the living room in search of Judith.

"She's not here."

"Where is she?"

"Working."

Harris turned to see his little girl smirking at him in a fashion that reminded him of his mother.

"If you came here to see your grandmother, why are you still here if she's…working?" he asked in annoyance.

Emma followed her father as he marched to his study.

"I thought I should probably stay and warn you."

Harris spun around slowly.

"She's been drinking. And she's coming for you."

Harris grunted the way he did when the women in his life needed to know he would not be threatened by any of their games. Seeing the paperwork on his desk, he recognized an all too familiar stain on the wood. She had been through his personal effects.

"I know."

Turning to face Emma, Harris glared at her.

"Have you spoken to your mother today, Emma?"

Huffing rudely at her father, she exclaimed "No, why?"

"There's been a fire at Southfork."

Emma's expression fell.

"Bobby, Christopher and Sue Ellen were caught in it. Your mother's worried sick."

"Why didn't she call me?"

"She tried. I tried. You were unreachable."

"Wait-Where was Ann?"

Harris' face turned stone cold as he said in a warning tone "Your mother was here."

"Why?"

"Well, apparently everyone, including Bobby Ewing knows about your little affair with John Ross Ewing. And as a result, Bobby ordered your mother to send you back here, to live with us. Now, while I can't force you to stay here, Southfork…well, Southfork has pretty much been burned to the ground."

Emma gasped silently.

"Looks to me like you don't have a lot of options, little girl."

* * *

Chatting with Sue Ellen had comforted Ann somewhat. Overall, she still felt angry, but it was anger that had subsided into something more primitive. Pain. A deep, searing, unwelcome pain. As she walked out of the hospital she realized she had no car, no place to stay and no Bobby to go home to. Turning back, she thought of Sue Ellen's house just off the ranch. Surely that had escaped the fire and her friend wouldn't mind her staying there temporarily, at least. As she made her way back into the hospital, Ann knew she couldn't stay at Sue Ellen's. It was too much of an imposition, especially considering that Sue Ellen would have to return to it –but Sue Ellen wouldn't be returning to it. No, she had some recovery to do in the hospital and at a proper rehab center, unlike the place John Ross had put her in. Ann slowed to a halt as this dawned on her. Flummoxed and unwilling to seek charity, she turned back around and walked to the nearest hotel she could find.

Once she had paid for a room, Ann felt everything slow down around her. The concierge seemed to take his time getting her a key; the bell boy approached her and when she told him she had no luggage, he seemed to waltz away in slow motion. Even as she walked to the room, she found her feet moving slower than she wanted them to. Inside, she found a large glass and poured herself a drink of water. Dehydrated, tired and overly warm, Ann made for the shower. Having been confined in the hospital for two days, she hadn't had a chance to freshen up. Finally, she was alone.

Ann had never particularly liked her own company when she was younger, nor did she like solitude in long bouts now. When she had first heard about Sue Ellen's charity for battered and abused women, she had leapt at the chance to start over. Horses seemed an excellent escape route from telling people about her problems and it gave her a chance to be out in the air. It made her feel less lonely after the divorce. There had been a certain satisfaction in having control over an animal, but Ann soon learned that the beast of burden is more than capable of taking care of you, if you let them. Learning to trust was not an easy thing and it was far more plausible to start off with a creature that couldn't ridicule your flaws. Yes, horse riding had benefited her in many ways. It reminded her of when she was very young. Carefree and wild. That wildness had been raging in her eyes when Harris met her. She knew it had been part of the attraction, just as she had seen the burning need in him for freedom. Two lost souls wandering in the dark who found each other along the way. Unfortunately, any wildness in Ann had long since been tamed. The flame that had burned in her eyes when he first saw her all those years ago, had been extinguished. Although not completely; her penchant for guns and knowing how to use them, showed her independent streak up marvelously, as Harris knew firsthand.

Standing in the shower, with suds and hot water running down her back, Ann could see her younger self with Harris; their first date, their first kiss, their first time, walking down the aisle, the tiny bump she developed when pregnant with Emma. Closing her eyes, Ann could see herself running towards him at 17 years of age. Running away from poverty and into the open arms of a man who loved her, cherished her. He caught her and spun her around in his arms. Ann could remember a time when Harris knew how to laugh. Her eyelids sealed tighter together as she thought of how sad that sentence was. She could still see herself spinning in his arms, blurred colours flashing by. There was nothing but bright colours…except for that dark centre. It reminded her of a box of jellies her mother had brought home one day, and in the middle of three rows of bright, sugar-lined shapes, there was a black jelly. It looked dangerous to eat, almost as though it could poison whoever was foolish enough to try it. Even the crystallised sugar on its anterior didn't shine as bright as the others. As Harris spun her around, she could see the dark centre get closer and closer, until she cried out from fear as it brushed past her face. When he let her go, the darkness passed. It was only a rain-cloud, she promised herself.

Opening her eyes with a start, Ann realized her skin was turning prunish from excessive heat. Turning off the shower, she stepped out of her thoughts and into her bedroom for the night. After drying her hair, she looked around the room. It was small and empty. It occurred to her that she hadn't spent a night alone in over 7 years. As she folded the towels on the radiator, she noticed her phone. Turning it over, her mouth dropped open at the numerous missed calls from Harris, all within the last hour. Why was he trying to reach her so urgently? A text asking her to call him as soon as possible. Returning the call, Ann closed her eyes as she tried to clear her mind.

"Annie?"

"Harris, what's wrong?"

Silence.

"I went back to the hospital and you were gone. No one seemed to know where you went and I was worr-uh-wondering… where you were."

Ann tried to hide the smile that tugged at her lips. Remembering that no one could see her, she allowed herself to smile.

"I'm fine, Harris. I checked into a hotel."

Although every fiber of his being wanted to beg her to come over to him, he fought the urge, knowing she would probably distance herself if he gave in. With that, he said the only thing that he could think of to keep the conversation going.

"Emma's here."

"What? Is she ok?"

"She's fine. Says she came to see her grandmother. I don't believe her though."

"Well, what do you think she's there for?"

"Probably to see if she can get more information to leak to John Ross. I told her about the fire, she said she was tryin' to call you, but she couldn't get through. Annie, I…."

He sighed into the bleak atmosphere around him. Ann hovered on the other end. There was an undeniable pang of guilt in her side as she realized she hadn't stopped to think and call Emma to make sure she didn't go back to Southfork. Moments like this made Ann feel inferior and Harris knew it. He thought he fully understood the sentiment on the other end of the phone, but deep down he knew he couldn't possibly comprehend how angry and lost Ann must have felt.

"Can we meet?"

Taken aback, Ann dwindled as she held the phone. Bobby would not like this, was her first thought.

"About Emma?" she asked cautiously.

"About Emma" came the reply.

"Where?"

"Tell me where you are and I'll pick you up."


	11. Chapter 11

The highways in Dallas cloud with smog on occasion. Thick, unyielding, smoky smog. Against the backdrop of razor sharp buildings belonging to the most powerful oil and gas magnates of Texas, you will see it, although only when a potentially huge deal is about to be done. On this day, a blanket of smog suffocated the Omni hotel and its surrounding areas. Seeing the density looming, Harris Ryland frowned as he pulled up around the corner, where he had been asked to wait. There was no sign of her. Raising his fingers to his temple, he glared at the steering wheel. Harris had always been prone to lose himself in his own thoughts. When his mother, Ann or Emma were involved, it had always seemed to be the thing to do. The only thing to do. Acting upon his thoughts was a rarer occurrence, as his experience with reality was confined to the insanity his mother had inflicted on his life. His head jolted up, out of his thoughts as Ann sat into the car.

"You look like you weren't expecting me."

Harris watched her eyebrows knit in confusion and he inhaled softly, inwardly wishing she wouldn't pull her face into that wrinkled expression.

"I was distracted."

"What's wrong? Is Emma still at your house?"

"No. She left."

"Well where did she go?"

Pressing his foot to the accelerator, Harris sped away from the curb.

* * *

Back in the hospital, Bobby looked on at his son eating his first solid meal in two days. Christopher glanced up and did a double take at his father's expression.

"Dad? You ok?"

"No, son. I'm not. For the first time in my life I honestly have no clue what I'm going to do."

"About Ann?"

"Ann and Emma. I said some horrible things."

"Dad, you were looking out for your family. Don't be so hard on yourself."

"Emma is Ann's daughter. She is family, son."

Christopher raised his eyebrows while looking down at his food.

"John Ross is to blame too. Has he even come to visit?"

"I spoke to him earlier, he called the hospital…but not because of us."

Christopher frowned "Who did he call for?"

"Pamela. She overdosed on some pills and ended up in here too. John Ross said he had been in the hospital to see her, but they didn't know about the fire. She's fine…well, as fine as she can be."

"What about Emma?"

Bobby sighed in exasperation "She was with John Ross when Pamela overdosed. I don't know where she is now, probably with her father…I"

As he heard himself say the words, Bobby rose off the side of the bed.

"Dad? What's wrong?"

Bobby lifted his hand in a gesture of silence and when Christopher complied, his hand fell to his side.

"I've made a big mistake, son. I'm just hoping Ann doesn't make an even bigger one."

* * *

The clouds over the highway were sepia toned from dust and dirt. Ann considered them nervously as she tried to identify where Harris was driving to. Any attempt to uncover the secret location had been met with a slightly sarcastic "don't you worry, Annie."

Worry was all Ann felt capable of in that moment. Turning to look out the window beside her, something black and bold caught her eye. Power slid from her as her fingers moved of their own accord to touch the small familiar lettering. She snapped her fingers away as Harris broke his silence.

"Remember that case of Buffalo Trace that was in my study?"

Ann cocked her head to face him. After a moment, she blurted "No…? I can't say I do-"

"The one that my father left me in his will."

Tension filled the small space between them. She had of course known exactly what he was referring to, but his hesitant and downright bullheaded refusal to talk about his father had triggered an automatic response in her. One she had practiced when they were married and for a long time after. Instead of drawing it out as she had learned to do, Ann offered:

"Yes" accompanied by a firm nod.

Harris glanced at her, grateful that they could drop the games for once.

"It's gone."

"Gone?"

"Gone. Emma reckons my mother drank it."

Shifting uncomfortably at the way the conversation was panning out, Ann hesitated.

"Well, what do you think happened to it?"

Although the question was not posed accusatorily, Ann swallowed hard in fear of what Harris' response might be.

"Emma says my mother was drinking, says she saw her with bourbon in her hand. There's no way she was drinking from that case though."

Knowing that he was expecting her to join up the vague dots he was setting out, Ann tried to fathom what he wanted her to say. As she thought about the valuable set of straight bourbon bottles, she recalled that the case took up an entire shelf in the library.

"That's an impressive amount of alcohol to shift through…for one person…"

Harris turned to glare at his ex-wife as she closed her eyes in mortification. Ann drew her chin in towards her neck, silently pleading with him not to taunt her about the past. Turning back to face the road, Harris pushed his surging anger aside. It didn't work. In one swift movement, he diverted the car down a side road, inviting a barrage of horns and eliciting a gasp from Ann.

"Jesus, Harris!"

"Ah, you should be used to it, Annie. I've seen your husband drive."

Feeling his eyes on her through the rear view mirror, Ann struggled to hold her tongue.

"Where are we going?"

"Here."

The sleek, black automobile made its way into the parking lot. The monochrome white building with its large red lettering helped the realization dawn on Ann that he was taking her back in time.

The saloon bar was empty, apart from the same barman who recognized them both the second they walked through the doors.

"Mr. Ryland, sir! How are you today?"

As Harris indulged in abrupt niceties, Ann noticed the barman eyeing her up with uncertainty as he towel-dried glasses. He recognized her, she knew that much. When he nodded his head in her direction and quietly uttered "Ma'am", Ann figured out the reason for his demeanour. This perfect stranger, who had once provided her with seemingly endless glasses of comfort, knew she was no longer Harris' wife. Strangled by the audacity of Harris to confide in this man about the derailment of their relationship, she felt moved to say something. Only for Harris turning and showing her to the booth, she chose not to. As she followed Harris, Ann looked back over her shoulder; a common activity on her part these days. The barman smiled politely and set down the glass he had been buffering.

"Harris, why did you bring me here?"

They both came to a halt. Ann raised her eyebrows in concern at the lack of comprehension she was met with. Feeling a sudden nervousness that reminded him of being at school, Harris's eyes fell to the floor.

"Please, Annie…I just….want to talk to you."

He seemed wounded at the inference that he had brought her here to try anything and so, Ann nodded as she took a seat.

"I need you to talk to Bobby for me. About Emma."

Had this bar always felt so warm, or was it really her heart palpitating that made Ann feel like she was suffocating?

"I think he's angry enough with all of us. Maybe Emma spending some time away from Southfork is no bad thing."

"Are you feelin' alright, Annie? There is no Southfork for Emma to go to. Or from."

A waiter appeared at the booth with some still water. Ann looked up at Harris from under her eyelashes.

"Is that supposed to be funny?"

Expecting this reaction, Harris merely turned to the waiter "a glass of your house white, please." His eyes moved back to Ann, who looked naturally offended at his lack of manners. "And I'll have a bourbon" he finished. Ann's eyes widened and set. Eyes directed downward, Harris tried to hide a smirk before returning to the original conversation.

"Look, Annie, it's too much of a risk for Emma to come back with me. She's safer with you and Bobby. Much as it pains me to say it, Bobby can beef up security for both of you much easier than I can."

It didn't escape her notice that Harris couldn't look at her when he said this.

"You said you'd fix this."

"Things are….very unpredictable right now. Wherever you and Bobby end up staying, Emma will be better off."

"I think Bobby will have Southfork rebuilt."

Harris nodded. "Have you decided what you're gonna do in the meantime?"

"No."

A clipped response if ever there was one. He watched her. Ann was not impressed to be here. Clearly her aptitude for feeling guilty still got the better of her. Deciding to tread delicately, as the situation was bound to be upsetting her, Harris changed the subject.

"Annie, there's another problem."

You're taking your time telling me about it, she thought in annoyance.

"I'm worried that Emma is gonna turn on me, without realizing what she's getting herself into."

"That's why we need to tell her that you work for the CIA, Harris. Now, I told you this before."

"Don't you see why I can't do that? If Emma turns on me, she'll go straight to my mother."

This had not occurred to Ann and her silence told Harris all he needed to know.

"We could both be in serious danger if that happens, Annie, you must see that?"

Clearing her throat, Ann spoke up. "It's strange that she would go to Judith….considering the way she talks about her."

He stared at her, displaying a sense of failed understanding.

"Let's call it the disadvantage of not being in Emma's life for two decades, Harris. I don't trust her and I have no clue what her next move is a lot of the time."

Rubbing his head, Harris faced the table in frustration.

"Neither do I." he acknowledged without looking up.

Ann stared at the bald head in front of her. When they had first met, Harris had stood out to her for many reasons, but in particular, she had noticed his lack of hair, as it was an unusual look for young men. He had always been striking and distinguished. His remaining hair was much the same, only lighter in colour and not as thick. In that moment, she recalled how worried he had seemed when she fell pregnant. At the time, Ann had passed it off as Harris showing concern for her and the baby's welfare on account of everything that had been going on. When Emma was born and began to grow lustrous blonde waves, she found him fawning over their baby regularly. People on the street would congratulate them and compliment Emma's golden curls and in those moments, Ann caught a glimpse of the self-conscious, but proud man she had fallen for. Never one to show his wounded pride, Harris had quietly counted Emma's blessings that she had inherited her mother and grandmother's genes.

"Harris, if you help me rein her in, we can stop this."

Lifting his head, Harris' eyes were red rimmed and tired.

"I want to, Annie. I do, but her head is filled with so much poison. She isn't going to listen to me. And I don't blame her for that. I've let her down as a father and seeing who she's run off with, I've…I've let her down as a man." He finished in a whisper and looked down, half expecting Ann to attack him at being reminded of all he had done.

During their marriage, Ann had often felt the weaker of herself and Harris. Since she had visited him on the evening of the fire, she felt a strange shift in the dynamic between them. Seeing him now, she wondered how she had never picked up on this…fragility. Unable to think of anything to say in the face of Harris' admittance, Ann opted for the only thing she could think of.

Reaching out, she took his hand in hers.

"It can be fixed, Harris."

His eyes met hers for the first time since they sat down. Harris felt his stomach tighten and contract as he saw no hatred in those glimmering, green orbs. Instead, he saw only compassion and something that resembled understanding. Overwhelmed at this response and the how undeserving he was of it, Harris found he couldn't hold her gaze. It occurred to him that had Emma not been causing so much havoc, there was every likelihood that Ann would never have agreed to meet him and certainly wouldn't have made such a gesture under other circumstances. That thought afforded him the resilience to keep his fears at bay.

"Will you come with me to talk to her?"

Ann withdrew slightly.

"Annie, she might listen to both of us, together."

Ann nodded. Then, the earlier conversation re-entered her head as she recalled the mentioning of the bourbon from his study.

"Harris, what about the bourbon?"

"My mother's taken it. It's worth a couple o' grand."

Ann's eyebrows knitted together in shock.

"A couple of grand? For bourbon?"

"One bottle of Buffalo's Trace can sell for a couple o' hundred. There's 20 bottles in that case."

"Well, what could Judith do with that? In terms of monetary value, your company has to be worth millions. A couple of bottles of bourbon is a drop in the ocean in comparison."

"It's not the money, Annie. It's for insurance and leverage."

Whether it was the lighting or the situation, Ann couldn't be sure, but Harris' face was etched with grave concern.

"She's gonna sell me out, Ann. And if she finds out who I'm workin' for, she'll take Emma from both of us."


	12. Chapter 12

"Mr Ewing, I'm sorry, but both your phones were destroyed in the fire. We have told you this before."

"I know. I know."

Pacing the small hospital room, Bobby wiped his brow in frustration. He repeated the gesture as both Christopher and the nurse watched him tentatively.

"It's just that I-I-I don't have my wife's number written anywhere and I don't remember it."

"Dad, Ann will be back to visit tomorrow. It's late, there's nothing you can do right now anyway."

"And what if she doesn't come back, Christopher?"

Snapping around to face his son, Bobby bore a grave expression. One that resembled something close to fear and anger embedded in that lined, tired face.

"Mr Ewing, your son is right. Mrs Ewing said she would be back tomorrow to see you all."

"All? Wh-Sue Ellen!"

Bobby's arms dropped to his side and he silently chided himself for forgetting about his sister-in-law when only a few hours ago he had let rip at Ann for doing the same.

"Can I see her?"

The hospital corridors were long and sterile. In fact, the place smelled so violently of bleach that Bobby swore he could make out red rims around all the staff's eyes. Every nurse and doctor in the place appeared lifeless to him. Could it really be that smell? Apparitions of the human form, dressed in blue white and blue scrubs.

The thought dissipated as he turned into Sue Ellen's room. Staggering back, he tried to hide his shock.

"Bobby?"

"Sue Ellen…"

Smiling, she extended a hand.

"I've seen the damage, Bobby. It was much worse when I arrived."

Bobby stood by her side gaping. Tears threatened to fall as he registered that Sue Ellen was entirely cogent, but the deep wounds across her chest, arms, cheeks and mouth spoke of what could have been.

"It's alright, Bobby."

Nothing.

He remained rooted to the spot, holding her hand with his mouth hanging slightly open.

Silence.

Sue Ellen frowned as she squeezed his hand gently.

"Bobby?"

With pupils swimming in a puddle of painful tears that hadn't quite fallen, Bobby looked around him. The IV drip next to the bed, with half its contents already transfused into the body beside him. The baby blue cotton blankets spread across the bed. Two chairs had been placed by the wall opposite. Empty chairs for empty souls; the thought fleetingly crossed his mind to pull one up in case he should fall. Could they not do something about that smell? There was a voice in the room, a woman speaking to him. Turning back to his side, he saw the hollow eye sockets staring back at him. Deep sapphire veins traced an outline around the whitened skin and the congealed blood contained beneath it. Violet lips, marred by uneven stitches. Transfixed by their movement, his eyes widened as he saw the colour slowly twitch and drain out of them.

"Bobby?!"

Jumping with a startled cry, Bobby let go of Sue Ellen's hand and backed away from the bed. As he blinked rapidly he saw her confused and concerned expression. Sue Ellen went to pull the covers back and attempted to get out of bed. The door opened as a nurse came in.

"Mrs Ewing, what do you think you're doing?"

"Please, can you help? I don't know what's happening to him…I"

The nurse was already holding Bobby up as the convulsions caused his legs to give in underneath him.

"I need some help in here!' the nurse yelled as three colleagues came to assist.

Sue Ellen scrambled out of the bed amidst the cacophony of noise. Why had Bobby looked at her so strangely? What had come over him? It was only when another nurse caught her arm and hoisted her back into bed that she realized she had been clutching the side of the bed for support.

"Will he be alright?"

"He'll be just fine, darlin'. Don't you worry your pretty head."

With a furrowed brow, Sue Ellen turned to gaze at the body that held the familiar voice. Her eyes wandered nervously around the small room. How could it be? Leaning forward, she searched the sides of the glass panels in the door for sight of anyone. Feeling her lower lip tremble, Sue Ellen glanced down at her shaking hands. There was no one in the room with her. Alone, embarrassed and fearful, her face creased in anxiety and gradually, she sank forward. Tears followed, betraying her calm exterior.

* * *

The saloon bar had become busier as the evening progressed, though neither Ann nor Harris noticed it. Ann moved the unappetizing risotto around her plate, under Harris' watchful and disapproving gaze. Lifting a forkful of quesadilla to his mouth, he paused:

"You gonna eat that, or play with it, Annie?"

Raising her eyes, Ann noted that the rhetorical question. Sitting forward, she sighed loudly. Preparing himself for whatever she was about to say, Harris lowered his fork.

"I can't do this, Harris."

"Whaddya mean?"

"This. I can't sit here and work out a way to take Emma from Judith. She's an adult. If she's gone this long with no respect for my authority, why would she listen to me if we both force her to sit down and listen? She's angry at both of us and that won't change overnight. It won't work. I…I can't. I won't. I'm not gonna make her respect me. Not now. It's too far gone."

Dropping her fork, as if to demonstrate her point, Ann lowered her eyes before closing them completely. Remaining perfectly still, she heard a soft swoosh across the table. Ann kept her eyes closed, as she realized he must have moved her plate over so he could finish her meal for her. Delaying any type of contact, be it with eyes or anything else, was her only option. Slowly her lids opened. Her plate remained in front of her; into her open hand, Harris slid a glass of wine.

"Now who's weak?"

Livid, Ann grasped the delicate stem of the glass tightly. Calculating her next move, Harris grinned and in that moment he practically begged her to throw the wine over him. The moment passed however, as it always did and he locked his fingers around her hand. It had been too long since he had seen those eyes as fiery as they were now.

"You bastard! You've always hated me, haven't you? That's why you came back to Dallas, isn't it? To ruin me. You couldn't stand the idea of my being happy with someone else. Maybe Emma should move back in with you. You should be fixing this anyway, seeing as you messed her up. And as usual, you're making promises you can't keep…or don't intend to."

The abuse was worth it. Seeing her this mad was doing more for his health than a moderate glass of red wine ever could. Had he been artistically inclined, he would have rendered those eyes on canvas and it bothered him that he had never sought out anyone to do it for him. There was a reason of course; admitting someone else to see what he saw and attempt to capture it, would spoil the effortless beauty that had once been all his to feast on. This was the shade he loved, the mix of jade, teal, olive and emerald shining out from that gorgeous face. That palette only ever came out when she was enraged, or in the throes of passion and right now, she was angrier than he had ever seen her. It was the closest he was going to get and it was irresistible. Feeling her twist her hand away from him, Harris grabbed her petite wrist. Locking her into his gaze, he allowed himself to breathe. He could still see the shifting colours sweep across her iris as her pupils dilated that first time she had contracted around him. Little did she know it was the last image he saw at night, more than two decades later. She would never know, he reminded himself. Never. Right now, if he could make her just a tad more infuriated, he was certain her eyes would ignite and consume him, taking away all of the past and destroying the future in a glowing, burning embrace. No, death held no foreboding for Harris Ryland. He faced his undoing in that booth in a decaying bar in Parker, Texas on a warm summer's night and had she offered to take his life he would have joyfully accepted.

"Let go, or I'll-"

"I'm sorry, Annie."

He gently let go and she reefed her hand to her chest as though he had held her wrist too hard. Surprise enveloped him as he realized she wasn't getting up to leave. Rather, Ann was eyeing him carefully, as one does a wounded animal with fierce jaws. The boiling fire was simmering down now and clouds were appearing across those windows that allowed everyone access to her thoughts without her permission. Using them the only way she knew how, Ann asked the silence why he was staring at her like so. His brown eyes burned with an answer. Ann shuddered rather suddenly, drawing both of them out of the reticent atmosphere.

* * *

_**"I swear, darlin'. Ann's heading at ninety miles an hour towards a nervous breakdown. Gonna have to do something about those ravings of hers."**_

_**The tall, slender figure stroked the sleeping Sue Ellen's hand tenderly.**_

_**A smile.**_

* * *

Getting out of the booth, Ann flung her napkin towards him. Tearing out a wad of notes, he left the table and handed the cash to the dumbfounded waiter who had served them. Following her out to the car park, Harris strode as fast as he could without seeming too obvious to those around them. Around the corner, he stopped just as she had a few feet in front of him. Numerous visits to this bar had ended the same way: tearful reconciliation, vows of trying harder, angry confrontations and dreadful arguments. Harris had not wanted to play this card, but he felt moved in a way that perhaps he had once known how to accept, but those faculties were long since gone.

"Ann…there's something you should know."

* * *

_**"I believe that snake, Ryland, is gonna be honest with her for once in his life. No need to worry though. Once Ann is around, he is defanged and declawed and his mama can't do anything more to him. At least not once Ann finds out the truth. But he won't win, I promise you that. Not while Bobby wants her around, which by the looks of it won't be for very much longer, I'd wager."**_

* * *

Checking that her feet were indeed free to move, that nothing had risen from the ground to trap her, Ann prepared herself mentally to walk away, should she not like what she was about to hear.

"I need you to look at me."

Pursing her eyes and lips closed in defiance, Ann begrudgingly turned around at a snail's pace. It was there again. That anger. Perhaps making her watch him was not wise given what would inevitably follow. Swallowing any remaining pride, Harris stepped forward:

"Don't! Don't come any closer, Harris. I mean it."

The fury in her eyes bounced back at him and he felt his chest heave with the weight of it. If Ann had brought light into his life, she had also made the darkness clearer to see. When she was angered by anything he did, it always reflected back into his own soul. Ripping and snipping at the ties he had left where his dignity and patience was concerned.

"I can get you and Emma more protection, but I need you to help me do it and I'll explain why. I need you to help me get Cliff Barnes out of jail, Annie."

Anger rose to incredulity and shock, but she steadied herself to respond.

"Are you kidding? 'Cause that's in really bad taste, Harris."

"Listen to me, you don't know the extent of the danger we're in. Cliff is the only connection I have who can help us. He promised to give me enough footing to take the company from my mother."

"You made a deal? With Cliff Barnes? Why does that even surprise me?" half guffawing, Ann stared around her in disbelief.

"Ann, I made the deal and I'm not proud of it, but you need to know why I-"

"I know exactly why you did it! The same reason you came back here, Harris! To destroy my family and me while you're at it."

"No! No, that's not true."

"Oh, really? So, you decided to team up with my husband's enemy, the thorn in the Ewing's side for the last two generations and you expect me to believe-Jesus Christ, Harris! You really are the reason for everything going wrong, aren't you? I can't believe I actually thought you wanted to change, I-"

"I DO, ANNIE AND I NEED YOUR HELP!"

Grimacing, Ann moved towards him.

"You're right, you do need help. But don't you DARE ask me to be the one to give it to you. Not after all you've done."

_Don't grab her, don't grab her. Keep calm, stay in control. Don't let your emotions cloud your thinking. You are always in control._

"I did it to get you back. I want you back, Annie. I meant what I said, we didn't stand a chan-"

"I've moved on, Harris. You should try it some time."

Marching away from him, it dawned on her that she needed a ride back to her hotel. Walking seemed a good alternative right now, but it was 9 miles from the Omni and too late at night to go alone. Silently, he walked past her and opened the car door.

"Let me drop you back to the hotel" he murmured without meeting her gaze.

* * *

_**"Yes ma'am. The best way to understand a man, is to talk to this friends…and his enemies. Harris Ryland don't have many friends from what I can tell. Even his CIA buddies ain't all they're cracked up to be, remember. His enemies are just about everywhere, from what I can see. Why am I botherin' your pretty head about all this, darlin'? You rest up, get your strength. I'll take care of everything, Sue Ellen. I promise. And don't worry about Bobby and Christopher. They're Ewing men. We can take a little fire, and so can you."**_

* * *

The hotel room was in beautiful contrast to the way Ann felt walking into it. Her mind raced like two trains charging at full speed towards the same destination.

_How could he do this? Why am I surprised? But, really? How could you do this, Harris? If Bobby knew, he'd be so angry._

Checking her phone, she saw a voicemail from Emma, but no missed call. There was no need to check it. Ann knew what Emma had done and she tried not to focus on it. Prefixing her mother's number so the call would go straight to voicemail merely confirmed what Ann had instinctually felt and repeatedly pushed away since this whole mess started. She was partly being put up to make an effort with her mother. Cynical and harsh as it felt thinking it, Ann had to admit to herself that when push came to shove, her daughter was more trouble than she was worth.

* * *

Lungs, ribs, liver, kidneys, heart. All of Harris' being had dropped like a boulder against the pit of his stomach as Ann got out of the car. She had moved so fast, he barely had time to register what was happening, but he saw it. He saw the pain he had caused and it rippled through his own body twice as hard. Parked in the car, he felt disturbingly unhinged from his surroundings. Yes, Harris had many enemies, but panic and fear were the demons he struggled with the most. Driving back the way he had come, he felt a pang in his side. As if an invisible entity had whispered to him and was now calling him toward a time long forgotten. His mother had warned him about distractions; of any kind. Finding himself back in the parking lot, he left his car in the same spot, got out and walked. Briefly entering the bar, he returned with a bottle and a sad song. The laneway behind the parking lot was discreet for all intents and purposes. Uprooting his feet from the solidity of the pavement, he set foot upon mother earth.

Once upon a time, Harris had been here. All familiarity with this place had been laid to rest in a dark recess of his mind, where cobwebs of regret and misery had long since shrouded any light he had once basked in. Not entirely sure of his way, he stumbled through vines and old roots that rose up from the ground, prowling for feet to ensnare and trip up. As he fumbled past tree trunks that were older than time, he heard that welcoming sound. That wonderful, thrilling rush that exhilarated and frightened him all in one breath. Moving faster, he felt a surge of joy as he knew that soon he would be able to breathe. It had been so long. The scent of the salty water beckoned like a sea hag luring a sailor to his death. Harris had no ship to captain anymore; his bough was broken. Time had done nothing to alter this forbidden planet that had been his own unfaltering, private patch of sanity. Making his way through the clearing, he felt the moon, bright and brilliant, beating down on him.

Long ago, before the weight of the formidable world had crushed his spirit, Harris Ryland had found the lake that backed onto the company he was to inherit. In it, he had found a comforting sense of solitude. Not that solitaire was a game he was unfamiliar with, as he had no companions to speak of. It was different here, he felt strong in the silence of the glistening green ferns and the rushing pace of the waterfall in the distance. No one was permitted to come here, but him. He had made that promise to himself as a younger man. That was, until he met Ann Smith. Until he happened upon a serenity that nothing in nature could afford him; the peace he found when she gazed at him with those spectacular green globes.

The calm water lapped at the bank where Harris stood wistful and lost. Nearby, the babbling brook meandered past his side, draining that life-giving fluid into a ravine that disappeared beyond the trees. These waters had always been welcoming to Harris. So welcoming that his visits had become a daily occurrence and the prospect of ending his miserable existence had seemed more tempting as time went on without him. Nearing the edge of the bank, Harris knelt down on the grassy knell. Ripples, concealing stones, covering mud and earth. So inviting. So, very inviting. He remembered reading a book his father left for him; it was Virginia Woolf who had filled her pockets with stones and glided so effortlessly into the shallow depths of her own heaven. The bottle shattered, sending splinters of gleaming glass and Buffalo's Trace over the bank. Gravitating closer, he stopped blinking.

_Let me make peace with honourable death._

Feeling himself let go, his eyes slowly closed.


	13. Chapter 13

Sunlight is a truly magical element. If you watch a ray of sun the next time it dances into a room, you will see what Sue Ellen Ewing saw when she awoke the next morning. Golden beams burst through the window next to her bed. It felt glorious to wake up in pure warmth. For the first time since she could remember when, Sue Ellen was safe and the sensation of a smile was already lifting her lips to greet this warm Texas day. Although she had no accountable reason for doing so, she wrapped her arms around herself and her smile broadened. She didn't need a reason to love herself. The happy sunflower on the windowsill was proof of that and all that was good in the world. JR had never been one to overdo it on the sentimentality side of things, but he had indulged her fondness for flowers. Except for when she went back on the bottle.

When she had first met Ann, Sue Ellen had been clean for quite some time. Ann, on the other hand, had only begun to rid herself of everything toxic in her life at that time. When Ann had approached her to volunteer at the shelter, Sue Ellen knew then and there that they would become friends. They had shared many things in common; dependency, both emotional and substance based, children who had little respect, if any, for either of them and a profound connection through their love of nature. It was no secret that Sue Ellen had struggled with rehabilitation and she confided in Ann often about her troubles. It had overjoyed her when in the midst of some of her darkest days, Ann had visited her and brought sunflowers. A happy flower for someone who deserved to be happy, she had reminded her. The thought brought Sue Ellen comfort, but also renewed concern for her friend. As she watched its gilt petals peal with joy and laughter, Sue Ellen was struck by the realization that the windowsill had been vacant the previous night.

* * *

Down the hall, the painkillers had worn off for Bobby. The inside of his eyelids scraped against his retina, sending searing darts of agony through his head. Unable to open his eyes, he called out for a nurse. Immediately, a soft hand slipped into his.

"Annie?"

"No, Mr. Ewing. It's me."

Shock paralysed him and momentarily forgetting his discomfort, Bobby snapped his eyes open. They were so deeply bloodshot it looked as though he had been out on the town. His guest knew better, however.

"What are you doing here?"

"I heard about the fire. I'm so sorry. I haven't seen Christopher yet, but I uh-"

"No, but I'm sure you've seen John Ross."

A brief, ear shattering silence separated them.

"What are you doing here, Emma? And where is your mother?"

"I don't know, I came here to see if she was here."

"Have you really no shame?"

Wetting her lips, Emma looked down.

"I've tried calling my mother. I can't get through to her. Do you know where she's staying?"

"No, I don't. And you have some nerve coming here after the stunt you've pulled. Do you have any idea the havoc you've caused? Jeopardising a marriage and maliciously-"

"I didn't come here for a lecture, Mr. Ewing. I came here to find my mother. Seeing as you don't know where she is, I'll be going."

With that, Emma turned and swept out of the room.

Watching her leave, Bobby felt the pain resurge through his veins.

**_When you find her, tell her I need her._**

* * *

Ann tossed and turned for hours in what was a comfortable bed, but every coil and spring within it seemed to prod her with a reminder of the fact that she was not at home where she should be. Eventually, she sat up, turned on a lamp and took her phone off the nightstand beside her. A blank screen stared back at her, showing only the time and battery power. No one was looking for Ann Ewing.

**_No one. Not even Emma._**

A sigh formed in her throat, but failed to escape as she noticed the tiny pointed white corner sticking out of her handbag. Squinting, she swiped the bag off the dresser and removed the envelope.

_Annie_ was written in the childish squiggle. A sign of intelligence according to some. To others it was symbolic of a confident person, one with no hang-ups, who cared more for the content which they were writing than the messy appearance of it. There was a time when Ann would read dozens of articles on graphology, but she could never quite decide which ones she agreed with.

_Ann,_

_Where can I begin? What do you say to someone who you have treated so abominably? How do you say it? I don't know how to say anything to you anymore. Not with all that's happened. _

Moving forward, Ann pushed the covers out of her way as her legs swung elegantly onto the floor.

_Over a year ago now, you came to me and asked me why? Why did I take our daughter from you that day? What I told you resulted in a gun shot. I deserved it, Annie. At times, I wish you had killed me. If I thought there was any way that you would hear me out face to face, I would come to you and explain myself. But there isn't. So, I have to do it this way. I'm so sorry, Annie._

Placing a hand over her palpitating chest, Ann tried to steady her breathing.

_My mother once said that Emma is a happy girl, with a very bright future and she keeps telling me how no one is going to interfere with that. But, I look at her and I see a lost, little girl who never had a chance. I did that to her, Ann. My mother and I. __We paid extravagant amounts of money to send Emma to the best schools, the best dressage trainers and the finest homes money could buy. _We never gave her a chance when it came to anything real and it's only right that we pay the highest price for that. I owe you so much, but for now, an explanation is all we have time for.

Shallow breaths filled Ann's chest cavity somewhat. The lungs on either side strained to expand with oxygen that she was incapable of inhaling now, when it was needed most.

_The night before you took Emma to the fair, you might remember you blacked out from my mother's questioning you? She was waiting in my study all evening for us to come home. It was me who carried you upstairs and put you into bed that night. All I can remember is how much I was shaking, Ann. _

Breathing had become painful now, as her ribs contracted rapidly around a vessel that moved too rapidly to be contained.

_She told me you were unfaithful, several times, and that I should leave you. I knew it wasn't true, I knew you still loved me. At least I knew up until a certain point. There was so much going on, I felt like I had lost you. I pushed you away. So far away, when I needed you most._

_She told me about the divorce papers, you had drawn up. Said you came home dunk and they fell out of your bag. That you were flaunting yourself around and laughing at me behind my back. I had seen it coming, Ann, but __you have to understand__…please understand, I thought we could get back on track. It would take time, but I thought we had that. I was a fool. Always a fool._

Ann felt a rage rip through her chest and stomach as she read the proof that Judith had sold her out. There had never been any doubt, nor had Judith attempted to hide her betrayal. It was just that seeing it in ink, made it so…real.

_I thought we could work through it, Annie. I had convinced her to move out, like you asked and you were right, it was better. We could breathe without her there, suffocating us with her madness. Please know, I never wanted that for you or Emma. Never. _

**_Get to the guts of it, you bastard._** Ann grunted out loud to the empty room as the tears lining her lids forced her to inhale sharply.

_She told me she caught you once. In bed with someone. In our bed. I knew it was a lie. You would never do that…I couldn't bear it…_

Erupting in a horrified cry, Ann cowered against her knees as though she had been struck with large iron rods. "That lying bitch…" she whimpered.

…_she told me she caught you with another man, in our bed…with Emma crying…on the floor. I yelled at her, told her not to lie to me…she said you were out of your mind on tranquilisers…_

Bursting into tears, Ann cradled her face in her palms. **_Why is this happening?_ _What are you trying to accomplish with this?_** Had she not been so riddled with angst, she would not have mistaken the transparent patches on the paper for her own tears.

…_that you didn't love me, not really. That you never had. That I had made so many sacrifices to keep you happy and I deserved to be appreciated. She said you were a danger to Emma…Annie, I can't lie, I went out of my mind. I don't need to remind you how much it bothered me, the thought of you with someone else. I wish she hadn't taunted me relentlessly with that… I snapped. After everything that happened in the bar that night…I was so confused. I thought we could start over. It's not an excuse. Nothing can excuse what happened. I should have stopped it, but I lost…all control._

_When I went to bed that night, you wouldn't let me touch you. All I wanted was to hold you, Annie. I missed you. You cried and pushed me away, told me to leave you alone. I thought I lost you then…how wrong I was. I knew part of it was the shots talking, but you were actually revolted by me at that stage, weren't you? I couldn't take it…_

A choking cough came over Ann as tears streamed down her cheeks and her temples burned in anger. She had often recalled that night, though not by choice. It sprang up in her nightmares, when she least expected it. All along, she realized now, it had been a warning. Her dreams, trying to tell her something vital.

_When you told me the next day that you were taking Emma to the fair, all I could think of was if the tranquilisers would cause you to do something stupid…if maybe there was some truth to what she was saying…it was all the lies, Annie. Those awful lies…and I was so weak. I meant what I said when I told you I shouldn't have listened to her so much. It's no excuse. _

_I saw you that day at the fair. I watched you turn away for a split second. It was like I was outside of my own body. Out of my mind. I saw myself take Emma from her stroller and I didn't look back, Ann. I didn't see you panic, because I didn't look back. I ran. With the only part of you I had left. The only part of my life I could hold onto. I can't begin to…_

Sobbing filled the room as Ann collapsed in a heap on her knees. The carpet burned her pale skin, turning it red raw.

_The part that you don't know about, is what's happening now. There's more to it. When you left me, my mother took over minding Emma during the day. I worked to keep my mind occupied and off what was happening at home. And the guilt. _

_It didn't take long for me to find traces of my mother's….habit, in the house. That habit developed considerably by the time Emma turned two. We left for Europe. My mother couldn't control her intake, so I sent Emma to boarding school in Switzerland, as I'm sure she's told you… _

Scoffing amidst her sobs, Ann raised her eyes to the ceiling at this new information. _**N****o, she never told me that…she never tells me anything…and all that time, she could have been with me instead…I could have helped her…**_

_I was so angry for so long. Every day since the State fair, I've asked myself how it came to this? What did I think I was achieving and how in the world I would ever get you back. You have to believe me, Ann…if I had known what she was planning to do, I would never have…but, that doesn't matter now because I did it anyway. All I can offer is an explanation, so that you know what we're facing. Like it or not, Annie, we are facing danger. All of us._

Clambering up over the end of the bed, Ann struggled to breathe. Her chest flailed in time with her falling tears and she felt every inch of the hysteria in her head. **_Why, why is this happening? I can't take it._**

_Over the years, my mother managed to calm her habit, but not before she indulged in other activities. When I decided we should return to Dallas, she fought me at every turn. She was adamant that Emma should never come back and that she remain focused on her studies to become an Olympian. I lied, said I had to come back for business and I'd be gone too long for them both to stay in Europe. I tried to convince her to stay in London and Emma could come to Dallas with me, learn about the business. I hoped…somehow... She knew what I was doing. She always knows, Ann._

_Soon after we arrived, she started her own business. Do you remember when I brought you to meet her for the first time? She made that comment that always pissed me off; how only scarlet women wore rouge that way? She knows how much it irks me that she said that. Even now…especially now. _

Her eyes slammed closed as the mortification of that evening renewed itself in her cheeks. That was precisely the moment that Judith knew she had leverage over Ann; her insecurities. Nothing Harris had done, no amount of expenditure could solve it. That pain lay much further down than her epidermis. Ann's eyes flashed open and returned to the paragraph. **_Her own business? What habit? The drinking?_**

_Emma knows about it now and it's probably added to how much she despises me. For letting her down like this. She has no idea what my mother is really capable of. You and I are the only ones __left__ who know that danger. I made a deal I'm not proud of, before I realized the danger we were all in. I want you to understand why, but I'm writing this because I know you won't want to hear it…but maybe Bobby's already told you…_

Overwhelmed by the vast array of emotions swirling around her head, Ann continued reading without fully soaking up the information. Frightening as it was to experience so much panic and blind rage, the compulsion to read on was stronger.

_The deal is probably the worst thing I've done since returning to Dallas. My temper always did get the best of me. _

Confusion entered the mix of emotions. _**What have you done?**_

_I wish I could tell you everything I feel. The sadness and self-loathing I feel. I wish you could know it, so that you would be aware that I do suffer, as a result of what I've done. Every day. Every night and every second in between._

_If I thought there was any way to convince you of how sorry I am, I would do whatever it took. But what I did was unforgivable._

_I'm a coward, Annie. I took you for granted and I lost you because of my own fear. I stole the only part of our life together that could bring us happiness and like everything else in our shared life, I ruined it. For you and for myself. _

_During the ugliness of that trial, I vomited after taking the stand. It was like my body rejected the poison that she had filled my head with for all those years. Some of it, I had to tell, Ann and I make no apology for the truthful parts. Everyone has their flaws and I know you would never deny that….but I did lie too. Even at your weakest, you were still the only light in my life. You and Emma. _

_I know you believe that I robbed you of a lifetime of memories. I've given you back another lifetime of trouble and pain with the chaos Emma's brought to your door. More chaos than you ever had when you first met me. And I have nothing but regret for that. I __will__ fix it. I swear it. On Emma's life._

A fretful gasp emitted from Ann's throat. **_How could you write such a thing? Think it even?_**

_I have always loved you. Whether you belong to someone else or not, I always will. Regardless of what you think of me, please don't leave me to fight this alone. For our daughter. _

_The fault is mine and so must the remedy be. I need you there with me. I can't do this without you. I'm scared, Annie._

The ink ran in a diluted black stream down the page as Ann hyperventilated through the panic attack.

* * *

Outside the hospital, Emma flounced down the steps in a daze.

**_Shit! They all know._**

As she sat into the Jeep, Emma pressed her neck against the headrest and sighed. The buzzing from her phone made her jump and on removing it from her pocket, she frowned.

"Hello?"

Greeted by inaudible cries, deep wheezing and a hoarse groan of her name, Emma felt her anxiety re-emerge.

"Where are you? I've been calling you for days?"

"I-what's wr-"

"Get home RIGHT NOW! I can't find your father anywhere!"

Swallowing hard, Emma ventured with an obvious truth.

"Have you been drinking? Daddy's probably working-"

"HE'S GONE, EMMA! Get back here right now!"

A brief moment of silence.

"I'm on my way."

**_Hang up, quickly._**

Emma felt her chest seize up with a stabbing pain as she turned the key in the ignition and sped back to the house, to her grandmother.


	14. Chapter 14

The tumbler was solid and cold to the touch. Leering at the rapidly melting ice cubes that were diluting her drink, Judith felt the sides of the glass cup her lips as her face slid closer to the desk.

_**Amber and crystal can be deadly.**_

With a crash, the front door slammed.

"HARR-USSSS?!"

Judith slurred and dropped the glass, feeling jagged splinters of glass brush against her naked calf as she sluggishly pulled herself up. The blonde mane was visible before Emma was.

"No, it's me. I can't get through to Daddy."

"You. I see you came. Was John Ross busy?"

Emma glared at her grandmother. The sight before her was indeed distressing. It was one thing taking his files, but Judith had torn his study apart.

"Looking for something in particular?"

Judith groaned. The weight of her head was too much. Hunching over the veneered wood, she appeared to be retching. Emma turned uncertainly before grabbing the waste paper basket at the door. Shoving it in front of her grandmother's face, she turned away to block out the visual. Moments later, the chair screeched as Judith moved backwards and stood up fully.

"Are you sure he's not just in the office?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He hasn't been there for the last two days. He hasn't been here much either."

"Daddy was here yesterday. I spoke to him."

It was out before she could stop it. Emma rolled her eyes at how quick she was to please all the wrong people.

"What did he say?"

In failing to respond quickly, Emma revealed more than if she had said the first thing that came to mind. Even if it had been a lie.

"Not much. He seemed pretty angry."

Not being able to see Judith made the silence that much more unsettling. Emma wondered if she should turn around, but the atmosphere was suddenly broken.

"Where is he?"

"I don't know" Emma answered truthfully.

The swipe of the jewellery laden claws off of the desk ran down Emma's spine.

"I have something to show you, Emma."

* * *

**_Skim a stone across a lake and you will see the ripples quake._**

Over and over again, the rhyme wouldn't go away. The car swerved dangerously in and out of the lane. Thinking about this too much would end badly. The only option was to get there and deal with emotions later. Away from all of this. In privacy.

The lights were still on, but there was little point in venturing inside. There was only one place to go and the way was illuminated by streetlamps and a hooker with a freshly painted trout pout, who stumbled out from behind a dumpster. Cobblestones were not made for those in high heels.

Loose gravel and pebbles crunched underfoot, as vines and uprooted tree trunks threatened to capture and drag any trespassers to a ready-made six foot box.

**_Do not give into it, do what you came here to do before it's too late for all of us._**

Through the weeping willows and old oak branches, an aqua-marine haven lay waiting. Even from this distance, the red-tinged streak was showing itself, dampening the water's edge. Already the ripples had calmed as the current returned to normal.

A slow pace should do the trick. Marching didn't do anybody any good anyway. Soldiers, maybe, but they all died at the end of it. Fearful shadows loomed, but they were vanquished at the stillness of the vast lake. Dry evenings such as these did not facilitate the thickening marsh underfoot. A glimpse downward confirmed that this certainly was an infliction of an external source. Darkening trails of rich red liquid squelched into mother earth as the remaining steps came to an abrupt halt.

And there, beneath the shimmering shards of glass, lay a slithering mountain of a man. Shuddering breaths, he tried to hide. Vainly trying to conquer his fear of the approaching footfall.

"Get up, Harris!"

Patients receiving electrical cardioversion will jolt with the power of two low energy shocks, as a way of resetting the heart back to its normal rhythm. Harris Ryland felt his aortic valve jolt as his heart reset at the decibels echoing in his ears. Rousing himself enough to register where he was, he attempted to push himself upwards. The incoming lap of water sent a wave of panic through his brain and he scrambled wildly, without moving off the ground. Hearing the sharp intake of breath above him, he raised his hand for aid. Pebbles crunched around him as he sensed the foreboding figure move to his side.

"GET UP!"

Flailing against the weight of his own body, Harris turned his head towards the voice. Darkness enshrouded the bank and yet, the light he witnessed, burning with the fury of an angry mob, could not be quieted. Had his skeleton been made of adamantium, he could not have moved quicker. Stumbling onto his feet, he struggled to keep his balance.

"How did you-?"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?! What is this?" a shadow of a hand gestured to the pieces of broken bottle that surrounded both of them like a pentagram.

"How did you-?"

"You have the gall to leave me that letter – how the hell did you even manage to get that into my bag without me seeing you? – and in it you whine about everything YOU lost – everything YOU did – and here I find you AGAIN, drunk and delusional!"

Silenced by the volcanic ash she spewed at him, Harris stood, awkwardly balancing himself as he leaned forward. She was so tall and elegant, a vision, as she railed at him. So dignified. How was it that anyone could remain so beautiful and contain this much volatile rage?

After an excruciating silence, he watched as she impatiently looked around her, from left to right with an angst-riddled expression, until eventually:

"How….HOW DARE YOU, YOU BASTARD!"

All around them the scream reverberated in an echo that entered Harris' head like a boomerang. Suddenly, he felt weak again as he saw Ann also lean forward from the exertion of her anger. Gasping from the refusal to give in to her sadness, she grabbed his lapels, eliciting a howl that could only have come from within. They say that transference of emotion is common in such cases as these. The rarity of the situation meant that Ann unknowingly allowed Harris a full view of her grief. For it was grief that caused her to return to this place. The loss of a child, particularly when that child is still living, is irreparable and Ann knew the pain of it as if Harris had stripped their daughter from her womb.

Sadly, he saw for the first time the true extent of the damage he had caused her. The tears sprang from his eyes as he watched the light of his life display every emotion, reflected back at him in those orbs that shone violently bright with hatred, love, despair and a million other feelings he could neither describe, nor alleviate. She shook him.

"DON'T YOU DARE CRY TO ME! DON'T YOU DARE PRETEND THAT YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!"

Terror had been far from his mind as he lay on that bank alone, waiting for death. He realized now, he had never known terror before this moment as he stood shaking, opposite the woman he had helped to break so long ago. Harris' lip trembled in shock as he saw that Ann was nowhere near done with him. Getting closer, eyes alight, she sneered into his cowering frame:

"When I met you, you were a man under his mother's thumb. Now, you're nothing but a sniveling child. You've regressed, Harris Ryland and you make me SICK!"

Harris heard himself snuffle back tears as she continued.

"You said you would fix this. And you will. Believe me. You will. I'll make sure of that. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…you don't get that far."

"STOP IT!"

Ann released his coat lapels in disgust as the smell of alcohol carried off his breath. As she let go, he grabbed her arms. Wrenching them away, she felt one of his hands wrap around her waist and the other gently touch her face. She struggled. The urge to knee him in the groin came and went. Her face felt like a furnace when his skin made contact. Her eyes blazed in a frenzy as the thought crossed her mind to stab him with a shard of glass, but this too passed. Even sobering up, Harris was able to read her mind and he spoke quickly to calm the situation.

"Be angry, hit me, kick me, take it out on me-"

Ann rose up against him, shaking, with her face contorted in blind ferocity.

"but please….don't turn into my mother…"

Internally, Ann felt her stomach drop at the comparison to Judith. Her mind was enraged at yet again being reminded of the vicious character of that woman, but as usual, Harris had made a valid point. Watching her intently, he saw that his gut instinct had not failed him. Her eyes burned bright, but they were lowering to a simmer. Anger inevitably turns to tears, but Ann resisted the transition. Everyone has a breaking point. Perhaps the well had finally run dry.

"Hate me. Whatever you want. Take it out on me, however you want….just, please, don't do that."

They stared at each other for what felt like an eternity and yet, much like all good things, it came to an end.

"How did you know where I was, Annie?"

Her eyes flickered, then twitched. Summoning the strength to answer had never felt so inexplicably painful.

"Subtlety has never been your strongpoint, Harris. That letter was less of a cry for help and more of a pathetic, attention-seeking move.

"That's not TRUE!"

"If there was really another reason you made this godforsaken deal, you would have mentioned it while you were spilling your empty heart on the page."

_Empty. Yes, you're quite right. I am empty._

"What have you done, Harris?" she levelled her gaze with a determination he hadn't seen since the evening she shot him.

Staring straight into her eyes, he remembered what it was to leave pretense behind.

"Cliff offered to give me enough financially to take the company out from under my mother's control. I accepted."

Ann bored into his eyes, checking to see if the truth lay behind them somewhere.

"In exchange for what?" she spat the last word with a grimace.

Harris paused. _This is it. Once she knows what you did, she will kill you. It'll all be over soon._

"I employed someone to blow up the rig, Annie. Cliff wanted witnesses. To compromise the Ew-...I had them use Drew."

Ann's eyes widened in horror as it sank in that his acknowledgement in the hospital had all been a cover for his own involvement in the explosion. Despite how genuinely shook up Harris appeared, Ann disregarded it, as anger coursed through her veins, renewed. Seizing the opportunity to delay any repercussions that were coming as a result of this information, Harris added:

"My mother is running her own business, Annie. A brothel."

This revelation failed to surprise Ann, nor did it awaken any sense of anger in her. That was until she thought about this woman raising her daughter as her own for the last 20 years. Then, Ann found that her hands were free and instinctively raised them to his neck. _Strangle him. No jury in the world would convict you._

He met her stare with all the familiarity that was to be expected between two people as damaged and familiar as they were.

"Wait!"

Imploring her to listen to him, in the depths of all this madness seemed impossible, but he had to try.

"I would gladly let you kill me, Ann. Believe me… but, I have to stop her first. Whatever you want me to do then, I wi-."

"You would have been better off not telling me this, Harris."

He stopped. It was as if she had sliced his wrists open and stood on them.

"You can get out of my sight."

"I'm sorry, A-"

The half-sober, half-drunken stupor wasn't so bad after all. He barely felt a thing. In fact, it wasn't until he opened his eyes to the sound and sight of Ann's cowboy boots stoically marching away from where he lay, that he realized she had punched him square in the jaw.

* * *

"You know, drinking is the worst thing to do when you're on medication, sweetheart?"

"You're one to talk. How could he do this to me?"

Judith smiled knowingly as she held her granddaughter close. Emma's fingertips grazed the leaflet for a recovery program, that Judith claimed to have found in a drawer of Harris' desk. And in the study of the Ryland home, two blonde heads worked as one to overthrow father and son.

* * *

The phone rang out beside her as Ann sat crumpled against the steering wheel. Unable to stop crying, she lifted the phone and upon seeing the private number, flung it against the car door.

"ANN? WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"

Jumping at the sound of Bobby's voice on loudspeaker, Ann fumbled for the phone that had slipped between the door and the car seat.

"Bobby?"

"Annie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I ju-"

"You're crying? What's happened?"

Collecting herself enough to speak clearly, Ann managed a lie "I'm worried, Bobby. The house is destroyed. What are we gonna do?"

"I'll take care of it, Ann. I promise. Where are you?"

Rolling her eyes, she thought of all the promises that people made in their lives. Ones they never intended on keeping.

"At the Omni."

_**Another lie. Getting good at those.**_

"You didn't show up today. I was worried."

The stabbing pains returned to her left arm as she gaped into the silence.

"I'm sorry, I-"

"Is this because of Emma?"

The thought that Bobby didn't know about the deal with Cliff tore at her insides.

"No, no it's not. I forgot."

_**Yes, Bobby. I can practically feel you frowning.**_

"I forgot because I was driving around looking for somewhere we could rent in the meantime."

_**Ridiculous. Pathetic lie.**_

"There's no need for that. I told you, we'll get it fixed."

_**Again with those promises.**_

"Emma was here today, looking for you."

At this, Ann brightened and opened her eyes. "Really?" The surprise in her voice could not be masked.

"She didn't stay long. I didn't know where to tell her to look for you. She said she'd tried calling…"

_**Oh, did she?**_

"Yes, I missed her call. She left a voicemail."

_**Please end this, I don't want to talk anymore.**_

"Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Yes! I promise."

_**Did I really just say that?**_

"Alright. I love ya, Annie."

"I love you too. Goodnight."

Hanging up, Ann looked out at the monochrome building she had parked next too. Determining that if Bobby found out, he would have to hate her later for what she was about to do, she stepped back out of the car.

* * *

The trek wasn't nearly as long this time. She heard the clumsy stumbling coming towards her and she stopped in her tracks.

"Harris?"

Furtive steps, followed by shaky breathing. "Yeah. Over here."

Following the sound, she found him propped up against a tree trunk in the clearing.

_**You've made it this far, you must be alright.**_

"Have you come back to hit me again, Annie? 'Cause I'm not sure I can take it right now."

He was out of breath and in the moonlight, Ann could see beads of sweat materializing on his forehead. Remembering what she had promised herself, she pushed the anger aside. Momentarily.

"You can't drive home like this."

"I'll be alright."

"NO! You won't." The anger curved its way back up towards her chest.

"I can't go home, Annie."

"And why not? I thought you said Judith wasn't there."

"She wasn't when I left."

"She is now?

_**Sure you won't be happy to see her? Delighted to give in to her every whim? No, don't say it, don't say it.**_

"I don't know, but I'd imagine so."

Knowing that the house was far from being his, Ann drew a blank at the prospect of Harris having nowhere to stay.

"Well, you need to tell me where to bring you to."

Harris' breathing had increased rapidly and he was now further hunched over.

"I'll be fine. Go hom-go back to the hotel."

"No."

Harris strained his neck to look up at her in what appeared to be angry confusion. That was all Ann needed to see.

"I'm taking you to the hospital."


	15. Chapter 15

Driving someone else's car without insurance was out of character for Ann Ewing. However, venting how she really felt was also unlike her. The heaving tension was the only thing that kept her fear of Harris having a heart attack at bay.

"Keep talking to me…"

Rapid, heavy breaths monitored the silence.

"Harris! Talk to me…"

"I'm tryin'…"

She shot around to look at him; the booming drawl was now only a croaking whisper. He looked so poorly, Ann felt her own heart lurch at his efforts to keep himself upright.

She turned back to look at the road. When they were kids, her big brother had once told her that if someone close to you is struggling, the best thing you can do is talk to them. A sense of dread crept its way up from Ann's stomach to her throat as she swallowed hard.

"Tell me…tell me…something about Emma"

An audible strangled sound ushered from the passenger seat as Harris gasped in Ann's direction.

"Wha-?"

Spluttering, coughing, wheezing. Harris hunched forward as he attempted to control his breathing.

"Anything, Harris. Tell me something about her growing up. As an adult. Anything. Just keep talking."

Harris kept his eyes to the floor as his chest trembled in an undulating rhythm. _**Anything? **_

"When she was five… she came home from school… crying… she asked why… why she had a daddy… and a grandmother…_**stop wheezing, breathe**_…but no-"

"SOMETHING ELSE! TELL ME SOMETHING ELSE!"

Harris rolled his eyes with a reserve of strength that plummeted instantly. _**Tell her. Tell her and get it out.**_

Ann calmed her hyperventilation to a steadier breath. A lengthy silence ensued, enhancing the tension, but neither felt too willing to break it.

"She started having panic attacks when she was five."

Leaning against the car door, Harris breathed hard and fast as his lungs emptied of all the air they had the capacity to hold. One sentence had been tough enough. Now he had to tell her the rest.

"Five?"

Ann's voice quaked with shock and sadness. Harris felt his heart strain with the weight of the pain he was causing them both.

In the distance, the lights of the City hospital spelt out hope for a slipping Harris Ryland.

* * *

"_**What do you mean, you want me to move out? You mean **__**she**__** wants me to move out"**_

"_**Temporarily. Look, mother…Ann's not well, you need to be out of the hou-"**_

"_**Not well? Is that your politically correct term for a gold-digger? A whore who runs around-"**_

"_**GET OUT!"**_

_**Both mother and son spun around to see the quivering wreck that resembled Ann Ryland in the doorframe.**_

"_**Get out now, Judith. Enough is enough!"**_

"_**Annie, I told you I'd handle this." Harris walked towards her, arms outstretched in an attempt to pacify his shaking wife.**_

"_**Get out? You want me to get out of my own house? The house that I was gen-er-ous enough to gift you and my son upon your marriage? Well, I think that is most ungrateful. Don't you, Harris?"**_

_**Judith waltzed around the fireplace smirking at her frightened daughter-in-law.**_

_**Harris may as well have been invisible for all the calm he was bestowing on Ann. In a low whisper he pleaded for compromise, but Ann wouldn't yield. Sighing, he turned to face his mother.**_

"_**You'd better pack your things."**_

* * *

The ER was crowded, but that didn't stop Ann from grabbing onto the first nurse she could find. After some initial resistance, the nurse called for assistance to move Harris in to see a doctor immediately upon seeing his palour.

"Annie, please come with me?"

"Are you Mr. Ryland's wife, or an immediate family member?"

For the first time that evening, Harris' eyes met hers intensely.

"No…"

"I'm afraid no one can come with him, except for family, or a spouse."

"I have no other family here, Ann is my family; she's my ex-wife!" Harris protested before stumbling forward out of breath.

Everything seemed to slow down as Harris was moved onto a trolley and wheeled away from her. As he fought for breath, Ann saw him raise his head to look up at her. In the background, she thought she heard someone calling her name. With that, everything sped up.

"I have to…"

Ann ran in the direction of the trolley, no longer hearing the voices that told her to stay where she was.

* * *

_**It was really happening, but for how long? How long would she stay away?**_

_**Even now, Harris was delaying her departure by talking to her at the cab. What was he saying? Why was Judith being so calm about all of this?**_

_**Unnerved though she was, Ann watched Judith drive away and still she could not bring herself to feel the unbearable sensation of lightness that filled her chest. The front door closed. The winding staircase carried Harris' gait closer to her and yet she still felt uneasy. Ann kept watch by the window until the last glimmer of the cars lights were out of sight. Hesitant footsteps filled the hallway and came to a slow halt inside the room. Still with her back to him, Ann focused on the farthest point she could see from where she stood.**_

_**The next sensation Ann knew was Harris' breath against her skin as he rested his face in against the crook of her neck. Automatically, her eyes closed in relief as his arms encircled her waist. **_

"_**What did she say?"**_

_**Harris kept his eyes closed, debating whether or not he should reveal the velocity of the threats that had been made only moments beforehand.**_

"_**Just how angry she is. The usual. C'mere."**_

_**Spinning her around to face him, the sight he was met with jarred him. Years later, Harris would come to understand that look when it was accompanied by a gun barrel aimed at his chest, but at that moment he was stunned by the wild, almost feral look in her eyes that he neither comprehended, nor wished to understand. **_

"_**I'm going to bed, Harris."**_

* * *

The waiting room was loud in its sterility. In sheer panic, Ann had demanded to know what was happening and had gently been ordered to wait patiently. They believed Harris was experiencing a heart murmur, but it was necessary to run some tests to confirm it. Claustrophobia set in and Ann left to take a walk. The corridors meandered endlessly as she tried to find an exit. Eventually, she found a door and as the cool night air hit her face and body, she felt her knees give in. Stumbling forward, she latched onto a bollard in front of her and closed her eyes.

"Annie?"

_**Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. SHIT!**_

Whirling around, Ann shifted into her best Bette Davis mode.

"Bobby…I hope you're feeling better?"

With some effort, she forced herself away from the bollard and walked towards him, venturing for a hug. Bobby stepped backwards.

"What the hell is going on?"

His voice was low. Dangerous even. Ann felt the last drop of empathy leaving her fraught mind.

"I was just…-"

"Here to see me?"

Ann hesitated. _**Maybe?**_

"Bullshit."

_**Ok, no. **_"No, I uh….I'm here…-"

"With Harris!"

Two words was all it took for Ann's respiratory system to forget itself. Standing awkwardly posed, she felt every possible option whizz through her mind.

"He was having difficulty breathing, I-"

"Not enough difficulty apparently."

Motionless for a moment, Ann felt her eyes burn with a million questions. _**Screw it.**_

"What are you doing out here at night, Bobby? It's pretty late for you to be up."

"What were you doing with Harris?"

"Excuse me?!"

"ANSWER ME, ANNIE!"

Angered as she was, the fear of Bobby having another aneurysm caused her to speak up.

"I went to talk to him about Emma. Remember? Your threat?"

"Threat? What threat? I've never threatened you."

"You told me to get rid of her, send her back to her father, that she's his responsibility. You might not have stated what the repercussions would be, but you made it clear that I had to get MY daughter out of YOUR house."

Bobby had never seen her like this. Ann's face blazed with the light of pent up anger and frustration. Anger he had not thought her capable of. After a silence confounded by Ann's fury, Bobby resolved to resume his questions.

"Is that really what you were doing with him?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means what it means, is that all you went to see him for?"

"YES!"

Too alarmed. Volume too high. Everything about her appearance gave her away and at the same time, she gave nothing away.

"I'm sorry I upset you over Emma, Ann."

Collecting her shattered nerves, Ann waited for the inevitable apology.

"I just hope you understand where I'm coming from on this."

Ann blinked rapidly in disbelief. _**Did you really just say that to me?**_

"Well, Bobby we have a problem then."

Whether or not Bobby had been expecting her to react like this, she wasn't sure, but one thing was clear; Bobby Ewing disliked not getting his own way.

"Ann, I-"

"You nothing, Bobby. You know how I feel about this and incidentally, Southfork is no longer standing. Wherever we end up from here, Emma will be with us."

Bobby moved his neck back affronted at the idea.

"Ann, I'm not living with that girl after all she's done, how can you even consider this?"

"Then you won't be living with me."

"Ann, you can't be seri-"

"No, Bobby. It's you who cannot be serious. Emma is my child and regardless of what age she is or what she does, I will always love her. Quite frankly, I've never been as disappointed in someone as I am in you, not Emma. How could you say that to me?"

Hand on his temple, Bobby moved a few steps backwards.

"Ann, please listen…I-"

"I'm done listening, Bobby. It's high time you listened to me. You know how I feel about this."

She went to turn away, but stopped when Bobby grabbed her arm.

"You arrive here with your ex-husband within the same 24 hours that you were supposed to come visit me. Now, I don't know what happened today, or what you were really doing, but I do know it's just a little odd that you couldn't make the time to see me, yet you're escorting him here."

"I wasn't with you when the fire happened because you informed me that I had to tell my ex-husband that Emma was his responsibility. I was with him today because we needed to work something out to rein her in. This was mostly your idea, Bobby. Now let go of me."

"You are still my wife. I need to know there's nothing between the two of you anymore."

"That's what worries you? That is what worries you about this situation? Really? The potential of my sleeping with Harris?"

Bobby moved away from her in disgust.

"You needn't worry about that, but I just hope you've made your peace with what you've asked me to do about Emma."

Wrenching her arm from his grip, Ann returned to the waiting room.

* * *

**_The room had always seemed bare to Harris until Ann arrived. In fact, when they first met he had returned to the house and ensconced himself away in this very room. Night time had always brought terrors, but that night he had slept like a baby. Nothing could taint the image of that perfect oval, Mondigliani face that held two viridescent orbs. Talking to her, he had seen just how green she truly was; unseasoned, not yet ripe. He would change that._**

**_As he undressed in the dark nearly two years later, he looked over at that same elegant figure that graced his bed. Even with her back to him and the covers surrounding her, she was alluring to him. Sliding in between the sheets he had never wanted her more. It was the first night in almost a year that they had been alone in that vast house. Never had he felt more afraid and in need of comfort._**

**_"Annie?"_**

**_"Mmm?"_**

**_He sat up silently, hoping for her to turn towards him. The white noise was louder than any party. _**

**_Still as a statue, Ann didn't budge. Eyes wide open, she prayed that Harris would desist and let her sleep. Despite how deeply she yearned for him, Ann hadn't slept peacefully in such a long time and sometimes she lay awake at night wondering what those noises were right outside their door. On one occasion while Harris lay sound asleep, she had ventured out of bed to investigate. The slow downward scrape along the outer door panels had sent her scurrying back to bed. Tonight she knew for a fact that no sounds would disturb her sleep, yet her mind refused to let her rest._**

**_The touch of his hand on her side made her eyes instinctively widen and slam closed for the first time in what must have been hours. Tentative though it was, his fingertips gently tugged at her nightdress. When she still refrained from moving, he stretched his fingers further around her hip in defiance. Opening her eyes, Ann realized too late what his next move was and her sharp cry filled the high ceilinged room. Feeling his teeth sink into her flesh at the neck, she gasped as he continued to pull her soaked cotton panties upwards from the front, causing the material to rub harder and harder against her._**

**_Inaudible sounds left her throat and in return Harris tenderly placed a kiss on the nape of her neck for each cry. Moving her hand to cup his face, Ann turned around as he shifted his weight to lie above her. Enveloping her lips with his, he took her face in both hands and ran them down her neck, chest, stomach and thighs before placing both hands above her breasts and seizing the delicate lacework that concealed her body from him. Groaning, he ripped the nightdress in one swift movement. Ann jumped at the sound and let out a slightly disappointed sigh as she realized he had ruined her favourite nightgown. Her pout was discernible in the moonlight._**

**_"I'll buy you another one, promise."_**

**_Removing the garment, he found her lips forming a smile and devoured them hungrily. Grasping her thighs, Harris yanked her legs up by his head and leaned forward. Ann let out a rapturous cry as she felt his teeth grip her panties and his tongue graze her through the material. Such flimsy, delicate things she wore, he thought to himself. _**

**_All the better to eat you with, my dear. _**

**_Slowly, he pulled them downward and she obliged him by tilting her hips. As he slid them down her legs, Ann steadied herself. When he reached her ankles, she raised her feet onto her toes and lifted them off the bed as he flung the small wad of material into a corner of the room. Even in the dark, she could see him and she knew he could see her too. His eyes burned her skin. Gently, she placed the balls of her feet against his chest. Harris leaned forward and kissed her shins, stroking the length of her calves with both hands. Clambering over her frame, he laid one arm down by her head and traced her breasts and stomach with the other hand. Ann had believed that this was what their life together would always be like. She hadn't vouched on his mother coming to stay, nor had she considered that maybe she and Harris were toxic to each other. Here she was at 19 years of age, married and unsure of what everyday life would bring. With his lips caressing hers, she put any alarm bells out of her mind and the sensation of his fingertips gently pushing past her lower lips ensured she wouldn't think of anything but him and all of him. Reaching down, she felt how engorged he was and her touch elicited a gasp that had clearly been held in for too long. Between hot, wet kisses, Harris panted to her touch._**

**_"I need you, Annie…right now. Please…I can feel it building up… right here."_**

**_He placed her hand at the pit of his stomach, just above his groin. Lifting her eyes to meet his, Ann felt everything inside her lift as though she had been cleansed of all toxins._**

**_"When have you ever had to ask for what's yours?"_**

**_Harris sank into her with tears filling his eyes as she moaned his name with everything she had. He contained the urges that were pounding within him, just to watch that purity, the honest pleasure enter every part of his wife's face._**

**_And somewhere in downtown Dallas, Judith Ryland writhed in agony as the sheets around her began to stain that horrid red tint once more._**


	16. Chapter 16

It had become a nightly occurrence for the grandfather clock to dole out a particularly loud dong when it struck 3. The oak wood panels, drenched in deep, dark glossy coats of paint absorbed the sound, reflecting it back out in an echo that resounded up the staircase. Carried upwards, the sound became quieter as it reached the first doorway on the left. The gap under the doorframe allowed unrestricted access and the booming vibration reached the sleigh bed with little resistance. Duvets, cotton sheets and comforters were always seduced by the sound of terror in this house. Beneath the coverings, the mound of blonde keratin stained with mascara shook violently. Weeping was a private and secret specialty for Madam Judith Brown Ryland.

Raised in a home that was plagued with domestic violence, as a child she had been just as bland as her maiden name would suggest. A wallflower seething with frustration and anger. Until she met the man who fell harder than all the others. Yes, Judith was many things; a ruthless businesswoman, a mother with a lioness-like ferocity, a loving, if overly protective grandmother, but she had also once been a wife. A devoted, passionate support to an ambitious, but inherently weak man. The one who would provide her with enough strong DNA to procreate, with the result being a malleable male prodigy whom she would attempt to manipulate into her own likeness.

The summer's day that she stood above a plot containing a 6 foot box with an eight month old foetus growing inside her had not altered Judith Brown Ryland. A heart that has already been turned to stone can neither harden, nor melt. Stone can crack however, and those who saw her at the funeral that day spoke of the young woman splintered by circumstance. But, they were mistaken. Judith had developed a keen sense of selectively internalizing anything that she could use for her own benefit. If it was to the detriment of others, so be it.

When Harris was born, she cried for maybe the third time in her entire life as he grasped strands of her voluminous blonde hair in his tiny fist. Burying her misery in the baby's smiles gave her strength, but there were alternative crutches, as there usually are in such cases. As Harris grew, he began to ask inevitable questions. Questions that his mother didn't like. Long ago, Judith's travails with men had taught her how to ensure that her son was utterly dependent on her. Thus, her flippant treatment of his curiosity meant that any questions were quashed instantly. From his infancy, both mother and son had constructed a concrete wall, keeping the other out. For every birthday that passed, another cracked brick was laid in the foundations of Harris Ryland's manhood. Just like his father before him.

Judith once told her son that she refused to hold a grudge. Harris was not the first to wonder if Judith's definition of a grudge matched that given in any dictionary. Notorious for her drawn out schemes, backstabbing and working alongside rabid psychopaths, it was difficult for anyone to know where and how Judith had taken a detour from sanity so long ago. There was no room for error in Judith's world and her husband had made a perilous one, one winter evening. Having discovered his wife's foray into her own business, he had confronted her in the living room. Heavily pregnant and absorbed in a book, Judith had barely regarded him over the rim of her reading glasses. Lately he had been so…frantic. Erratic even. Aloud she wondered if perhaps he needed to see a therapist. Weak willed and suffocating under his wife's demeanour, he was also rejecting her demands for a bigger house.

In a moment of weakness, he had confided in her his doctor's diagnosis of chronic depression. Sipping some tea, Judith remained unmoved at the confession that her life partner had been taking too many pills as of late and that it had been noticed by others. Silently, she sat. Judged. Mentally, she discarded the man before her. _**Unwilling to do as I say? Aren't you brave?**_

"What exactly do you expect me to say to that?"

"Some…support would be…well…I…was hoping for…"

"Oh. Well, I am actually in the middle of supporting the last _thing_ that you gave me to bear."

Gesturing to her burgeoning belly, Judith saw and smirked at the horrified reaction. Pursing her lips together, she lifted herself off the couch.

"You're going to have to toughen up if this child is to have any sort of male role model. I won't have any emotions getting in the way of raising this baby, do you understand me?"

"Y-y-y-yes, J-Judith. I'll do something ab-"

"Yes, you will. You should get that stutter sorted too. It really pisses me off."

Judith had sauntered to the kitchen to make a fresh pot of tea, proud of her ability to make all men heel. Returning to the empty living room, she scoffed at her husband's quick departure.

"Snivelling child."

Picking up her book, Judith heard an ear shattering crash above her head. In time with the sound, the baby kicked viciously, causing her to curse under her breath and lean back, closing her eyes.

"What the hell are you doing up there?! Have you no consideration?"

Silence. And when Judith opened her eyes to the sensation of her stomach churning, she leapt off the couch and ran upstairs.

Yes, regarding women as the weaker sex is a sign of poor judgment. For Harris Ryland Sr. however, it had been a fatal mistake. The stillness that greeted Judith from their bedroom was accompanied only by the thick straining sound that emanated from the beam above their bed. Sadly, Harris would never meet his father outside the womb, but the baby made sure that Judith felt a maelstrom from within as she sank to the floor watching her husband swing lifelessly from side to side.

* * *

_**Is crying all I can do? Really? I'm better than that. Am I?**_

Had anyone been watching her, Ann would have looked distraught and overcome with grief sitting next to the hospital bed. Slumping forward, she lay her forehead against her palms. Next to her, Harris lay, sleeping off a heavy dose of medication whilst being rehydrated on an IV drip.

"Emma couldn't make it?"

Ann jumped at the unfamiliar voice.

"No, this isn't happening, not now. I can't."

"You can and you will, darlin'."

Her voice fluctuated in a low croak somewhere deep in her throat.

"Tell me, what exactly are you planning to tell Bobby once he gets to check outta here? Are y'all gonna play happy families again? 'Cause from where I'm standin', it looks very much like you're headin' back to older pastures."

The slender figure before her clutched his Stetson to his chest whilst watching the sleeping Harris.

"Why? Why do you keep coming back to question me?"

"Well, now is that any way to speak to your biggest fan?"

"Oh! That's rich-"

"Before you say anything else, darlin', I'll remind you that I had a hand in gettin' you outta a life sentence for those trigger happy fingers. Can't say the victim looks the worse for it though. Then again, that could be all the time he's been spendin' with you lately. He wouldn't be the first man to be driven to despair over a pair of pretty eyes."

"I went to see him about Emma. That's all."

"You tell yourself that, Ann. If it gives you comfort. Somethin' ought to… those long, cold, lonely nights in that hotel room sure are givin' you plenty of space to think."

Scowling, Ann looked down at her boots.

"Why are you here? I'm sure Sue Ellen would benefit from your company a lot more than me."

"I'm sure Sue Ellen could say the same about your company, but we wouldn't want to tear you away from your beloved now, would we?"

Feeling the tears regrouping afresh, Ann began to beg.

"Please leave. Please?"

"Alright, I'll go….but one thing first."

Raising her head, Ann blinked back tears.

"Why are you here when your husband, best friend and stepson are just down the hall?"

In frustration, Ann leapt off the chair and roared aloud.

"What the hell was I supposed to do? Leave him there? He could have been dying for all I knew and yes, before you go there, I know I shot him and yes, I wanted to kill him in the moment, but I didn't. He is still the father of my child. So what? What would you have done?"

Pacing the room now, she was no longer aware of anyone or anything around her, except her own anger and hurt unraveling like a ball of yarn in the paws of a bored kitten.

"I did what any decent human being would have done, no more, no less. And yes, I've been doing a lot, A LOT, of thinking and I'm not happy. I can't do this anymore. I can't. I need to move somewhere where the cartel can't hurt Emma and keep her safe. Safe from Judith, safe from Harris, safe from John Ross, safe from Bobby and…Bobby?"

Stopping abruptly, her knees quaked as the sight of her pale, wan husband at the door filled her vision.

"Ann? Who….who are you talking to?"

Staggering backwards, she searched for a plausible answer.

_**Your dead brother? No? Uhhh….**_

"Myself?"

Bobby narrowed his eyes before slanting them towards a still slumbering Harris. Looking back at her, he bore the expression she had come to loathe; anxiety and self-pity.

"I came to find you, to talk about Emma. See if we could work something out. It sounds like I'm too late."

Taking a moment to absorb this, Ann felt a gravitational pull towards her husband for the first time in months.

"Better too late….than never."

That sorrowful look seemed to dissipate at the olive branch she extended.

"I spoke to some contractors today. They can get Southfork rebuilt in a matter of months."

"Southfork's not safe anymore, Bobby. A-and a couple of months? We don't have that much time. Emma needs to be hidden safely, now."

Acknowledging this, Bobby nodded.

"What would you suggest?"

"Somewhere outside of Dallas. Parker maybe? I haven't thought about a particular place, just somewhere Emma won't be hurt."

"Is Ryland's house not safe?"

Locking into his gaze, she knew he had figured something out, but she couldn't be sure just what exactly.

Deciding to keep the newly obtained information about Judith to herself until she got to talk to Harris about it, she ventured:

"I don't think it's a good idea for her to stay there anymore. Not when the cartel could be out looking for Harris."

"Where is she staying now?"

Ann shifted uncomfortably.

"I don't know. I can't get a hold of her."

The effort required to stop Bobby from rolling his eyes was not lost on Ann and the anger inside her swelled monstrously.

"I think you should go to bed, Bobby. It's late."

"Are you really going to stay here? With him? All night?"

"No, I'm going back to the hotel."

A look of uncertainty passed between them. Faltering, Ann walked toward him and kissed him gently, which Bobby returned. Letting go, she walked out of the room.

"I love you, Annie."

"I love you too."

* * *

Outside, Ann reached her car before realising she had left her bag in Harris' room. The way back threatened another meeting with Bobby, so she treaded extra carefully along the corridor. Making her way, Ann began to accept that he had actually gone to bed. Turning back into the private room, she stopped dead in her tracks to find the bed empty with the covers thrown back. Her bag was no longer beside the chair where she had left it.

"Looking for this?"

Startled, Ann let out a high pitched cry and she spun around. Lounging against the bathroom door, Harris dangled the bag as though it were a carrot and Ann a starved donkey. The visible fragility in her face and eyes caused Harris to stall, allowing her to snatch the bag from him. Shaking her head to stop herself from bursting into tears, Ann stormed past him. The sensation of those strong hands on either side of her waist made her falter. It had been so long and despite what she tried to tell herself, it was not unwelcome.

"Aren't you supposed to be asleep?"

"What was I supposed to do while you and Bobby were havin' a domestic? Join in?"

Ann's eyes widened to the size of saucers as she spun around and slapped him harder than she meant to. Harris took it and clutching his cheek he looked up at her in confusion. Panic consumed her facial features as she registered that slapping anyone who had just undergone treatment for their heart was probably not the best decision. Reading the apology that was forming in her eyes, Harris touched her arm gently. Instead Ann remembered her bag.

"Why did you take it?"

Harris looked down at the ground.

"Why?"

Before he could answer, she spread the lips of the bag wide and saw yet another envelope sitting in between the satin lining.

"Whatever you're trying to do isn't working, Harris. You don't even want me back, not really. Just the idea of me. Of the control you think you'd have and all the-"

"How in the hell would you know what I want?!" he roared.

Ann swallowed hard as she felt a dreadful uneasiness fill the room.

"If you gave me half a chance and actually listened, you might learn something. It's a skill you always needed to improve on, Annie. I see Bobby Ewing struggles with you just as much as I did in that regard."

"Don't compare him to you. You're not the same type of man as he is. Not even close."

"No and I wouldn't want to be."

Ann raised her eyebrows, "So, the valiant act was just that. An act?"

Harris scowled. He hadn't wanted to stoop to this as they had been building some form of connection, but it was too much in the moment. When she stood opposite him, eyes blazing it was all he could do not to envelope her and make her remember what they had once had.

"I think you need to have a little talk with your husband, Annie. Ask him what he's hiding."

"He's not hiding anything, Harris. Not everyone lives like you do, working for secret services, screwing over their own family, lying to everyone they've ever met."

"No, but at least I was man enough to admit to you that I was involved in the rig. I take it Bobby still hasn't come clean to you about his brother dying. Otherwise, you wouldn't be simperin' to him as always."

"What the hell does any of this have to do with JR?"

"Oh, you go talk to Bobby, Ann. Mark my words, if you knew what he's kept from you all this time, you wouldn't let him say a word about our daughter. Or anyone else for that matter."

"I-I-I don't believe you."

"Last time you said that, you didn't believe that I knew where Emma was. Be very careful, Ann. I could still bring this whole situation crashing down on the Ewings."

Ann bit her lip. Threats had always sounded so convincing coming from him. Despite what she was verbalizing, Ann knew when Harris was lying and this was not one of the occasions. A thudding fear ran through her and she felt the floodgates open. Seeing what he yet again had caused, Harris instantly regretted his temper. Sighing, he leaned against the bed.

"I'm sorry, I've said too much, Annie. I shouldn't have been the one to tell you..."

Raising his head, he saw a flash of her coat as she hurriedly turned into the corridor. Picking up her pace into a slow run, Ann pounded across the hospital corridors as she heard Harris frantically call her name several times.


	17. Chapter 17

Ann awoke to the sound of her phone screaming for her attention. The stress of the night before had caused her to forget to turn it off and also to remove her makeup, as the mascara stained pillow cases would attest to. Jumping out of the bed, she grabbed her phone from the room's nightstand.

"Hello?" she managed as she sat at the edge of the bed, holding the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger.

"Ann Ewing?"

"Yes?"

"This is Doctor Brian Pander, I'm calling you from Dallas City Hospital."

"Oh god, what? What's happened?"

"Nothing's wrong, Mrs Ewing. I'm calling because you were scheduled to collect your husband an hour ago, he's good to go."

Ann's hand fell by her side in disbelief as she registered the day, time and the imminent confrontation she was about to have with Bobby.

"I'll be there in 20 minutes, doctor."

* * *

Nurses and doctors walked by Bobby's chair in wonder. If there had been a picture next to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary's definition of depression, Bobby Ewing's face would be the portrait. Even when Ann arrived looking flustered, he just about raised his eyes to look at her.

"Bobby, I'm so sorry. I slept late, I…"

Everything about his expression told her not to bother. Slowly, he stood up.

"Mrs Ewing! We were worried you had forgotten where we were!" The doctor cheerfully joked as he turned the corner. "Mr Ewing is ready to leave. Have you found somewhere to stay?"

Ann reeled at the doctor for tying the noose tighter around her neck.

"Not yet, I uh…was waiting for Bobby to help me decide."

The tension was palpable and Ann winced under her husband's scrutinizing glare.

"Let's go."

Bobby walked past his wife and doctor towards the main hospital doors with a face like thunder.

"Thank you so much for everything, doctor."

"Not at all. Oh and Mrs Ewing and your son will be going home next week. You might want to bear that in mind if you're all staying together. Take care, Mrs Ewing."

Ann had never wanted to talk to Sue Ellen as much as she did right at that moment. Sighing deeply, she tried to mentally psyche herself up for the short drive that was about to be exacerbated by deathly tension. As she followed Bobby at a distance, she glanced into the room on the right. The outline and position of the feet under the blankets told her that Harris was sound asleep. _**At least you're at your most harmless right now.**_

* * *

Conversation during stormy patches of a relationship is never easy. With the Ewing men, the difficulty was multiplied. Stubborn and unyielding in the biggest sulk she had ever seen him in, Bobby helped tighten the knot in Ann's stomach triple fold.

"We could go back to the Omni and get freshened up? Then go shopping for some clothes, seeing as we only have what we're standing in."

Nothing.

Unwilling to push it on account of how guilty she felt for forgetting to collect him, Ann settled on taking each moment as it came. Pulling into the car park, she turned to him, but Bobby wasted no time in getting out of the car.

Inside, Ann went to get the keys to her room and prayed that Bobby would speak to her at some point during the day. Lost in thought, she almost didn't hear her name being called. Bobby, however, did and abruptly walked away.

"Mom?"

"Emma? What are you doing here?" Ann reached out to touch the young woman's face and gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I've been calling you for the past two days, where have you been?"

Ann gave her daughter a knowing look as the concierge pretended not to hear the rather loud exclamation.

"I've been here, Emma and I've been tryna' reach you."

"Where's daddy?"

"Your father had a heart murmur, he's fine. He's still in hospital."

"Daddy's in hospital?"

"Yes, he was trying to get through to you. We've both been lookin' for you. Emma, do you have any idea the damage you've caused?"

Emma stared at her mother, unsure of how much she knew. Instinctively, her eyes wandered to an increasingly pissed off looking Bobby Ewing in the corner.

"Where are you staying? I've been worried…"

The attitude that poured out of Emma's face made Ann stop in her tracks.

"I've been staying at Daddy's. Grandmother is there."

Ann hesitated as concern filled her heart once more.

"Is that the only place you've been staying?"

Emma rolled her eyes and began to rant: "You know, you and Daddy and grandmother have some nerve prying into my life. You have no right. And why haven't you taken any of my calls?"

"Emma, we love you. We're just trying to look out for you...and what calls?"

"Are you really going to let her talk to you like this, Ann? After everything she's put this family through?"

"Bobby, please let me handle-"

"But you're not handling it! You and Harris are not handling her at all! She has the audacity to show up here after the chaos she's caused and then speak to her own mother this way?"

Ann fought the urge to slap him.

"At least she's talking to me."

Bobby's face shifted into a silent rage as he stepped back and dismissed Ann with a wave of his hand. Taking the keys off the desk, he made for the lift.

It hadn't gone unnoticed that Emma was now remarkably quiet. In a last effort to keep some form of peace, Ann offered the only thing she could think of:

"Will you come have lunch with me, so we can talk? Please?"

Emma stalled. "Is Daddy alright?"

"Yes, Emma. I promise you, he's fine. They said he'll be going home tomorrow."

Emma's eyes widened.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Sensing there was something afoot at home and probably concerning Judith, Ann renewed her offer to take Emma to lunch. A reluctant nod of agreement and they were off immediately. Ann glanced back over her shoulder in the direction that Bobby had walked, praying that he would calm down by the time she got back.

* * *

Fearful of a fight, Ann had given in to Emma's demand to eat at the same saloon she had been in with Harris only a few nights previous. Sitting opposite her daughter, she silently cursed whoever was looking down on her for seating them at the same table; the only available one in the whole place.

"Know what you want?"

"I think I'll have the steak."

"For lunch?"

Emma made no reply apart from a belligerent glance. Ann raised her eyebrows as she scanned the menu for something light. Money wasn't exactly an issue, but knowing her daughter had been raised to expect the best from everyone except herself was draining.

"So, what happened to Daddy?"

Ann let out a sigh that had been forming since she laid eyes on Emma at the hotel.

"He uh...he's had a lot on his plate recently. Doctor's said it wasn't serious, just something he needs to watch."

_**Yeah, right.**_ Emma fixed her mother with a stare.

"How come you were with him when it happened?"

Mouth agape, Ann looked back down at the table and shook her head before returning Emma's gaze.

"He asked for my help."

"Help? With what?"

The waiter appeared, allowing Ann a moment to stall as he took their order.

"We uh…well, we were…we are…very concerned…about you."

Emma locked eyes with Ann for the first time in months. Seeing her struggle was something the younger woman still enjoyed more than a year after reuniting, yet, she didn't really know why.

"Look, Emma…the history between us, me and your father I mean… it's so chequered that it makes it difficult for either of us to ask the other for help…but when it comes to you, there's nothing we wouldn't do to help you."

Emma eyed her mother warily.

"Help me with what?"

"I know you're still having an affair with John Ross. Pamela found out and…so did Bobby."

Reclining in the booth, Emma looked unfazed by the revelation, but her eyes swarmed with emotion as she realized the reason for Bobby's reaction earlier that evening. Ann could see she didn't need to tell her about the fallout, or that Harris also knew that she had lied.

"So, you and my father have been discussing me behind my back?"

"Emma, you have lied to absolutely everyone. Including yourself. You're hurting people, people who care about you. You're senselessly abusing your body with those prescriptions and alcohol. I don't know what to do to make you see the danger you're putting yourself in."

"You wanna talk about danger?" Emma's tone startled Ann and drew the attention of a number of patrons. "You and daddy are the danger! Where the hell do either of you get off telling me how to live? Daddy's no saint and you, well you're no role model either and now-"

Alarmed at how many people had turned to stare at them, Ann coerced Emma to lower her voice.

"Stop it! Just stop it. Right now. If you're so determined to be treated like an adult, start acting like one. We are still your parents and whatever failings we're responsible for, we're both tryin' to rectify the damage."

A derisive snort indicated just how difficult Emma intended to make this transaction, but Ann was undeterred after the last few days.

"You can push and pull against both of us all you like, Emma. The only thing I can say to you is that however let down you feel by me and your father…we will never stop fighting for you to have a chance to be everything you can be. The only person who can limit you is yourself. And you can say whatever you want to me, I'll take it. Your father will take it too."

_**This is rich. You're damn right, you'll take it, both of you deserve it.**_

Emma smirked with a false sense of security, believing that she was portraying just how at ease she wanted to be with herself. Watching her mother, Emma sensed that something was about to be said that would infuriate her.

"There is one thing your father and I can't be forgiven for."

_**Hah! Just one. You really do live in your own little world, don't you, Ann?**_

"You have no idea how to love yourself. That's our biggest failing and that is what makes us both so angry. At ourselves and each other."

Inside Emma's confused young brain, she felt the churning of numerous cogs.

"_**Don't let him manipulate you. If you think that's love… then you are….a worthless creature."**_

Emma snapped back into the moment as her mother continued.

"Don't misunderstand what we're trying to do, Emma. If nothing else, know this. It may seem hypocritical to you, but the reason that we're trying to steer you in a better direction is because we both know from experience where you're headed. You are the product of two emotionally crippled people and it has taken us this long to work that out because that's what life is about. Learning. I remember thinking I knew everything when I ran off with your father at 17. We thought we were invincible. Life has a way of teaching you just how wrong you are."

"You were 17?" It was out before she could stop it. There was so much she didn't know and hadn't taken in at the trial. So many questions unanswered and unasked.

"Yes. We were young…very young and really foolish. But we were in love, Emma. So much went wrong, things that neither of us could control at the time because we didn't know any better. We had no one to guide us, not really. It took us so long to realize how toxic we were for each other. At least for me, anyway….but, there were good times."

The realization dawned on Emma that there was a lot she didn't know about her parents. Only the really big things. The destructive things. It hadn't occurred to her before that there must have been something there for them to keep trying for so long. She was oblivious to the tiny network of occurrences that had built up into much larger entities and had finally made her mother snap.

"You are the best thing that has ever happened to either of us and I know your father feels that way too. You're also the only part of our relationship that we've both tried to salvage."

Ann smiled through the tears that were forming. She no longer cared for Bobby's threat of Emma not living with them. All she cared about was the opportunity in front of her that she had to seize before it was too late.

"You know, everything happens for a reason. You can be as angry as you want with both of us, but even I know that deep down your father did what he did because he loves you more than his own life. He lives in fear of losing you. We both do."

At this, Emma was not easily convinced, but the sincerity she saw in her mother's eyes caused her to listen anyway.

"When I lost you, I grieved and I carried that pain with me everywhere, every day. When he told me you were alive, I almost couldn't bear the happiness, the relief. You are so loved, Emma. There is nothing we wouldn't do for you. Please realize that, because I don't know how to make you see the unhappiness you're setting yourself up for."

Emma bore the same look that Ann had seen before. When Emma told her that she once wanted to get her hair cut, but Judith had remarked that her face wasn't the right shape and she had felt ugly as a result. Reaching out, Ann tenderly stroked Emma's chin.

"I once told you that I knew that look. You remind me of myself when I was young in so many ways."

Emma gulped at this and the fear in her eyes was unmistakable despite her best attempt not to show it. Becoming a train wreck was her worst fear, yet she knew deep down that she already was one. Biting her quivering lip, she listened carefully.

"You remind me of someone that I left behind a long time ago. I know what it is to be so angry that you turn on yourself, Emma. That you believe you're living in the moment and enjoying yourself. But the nights are some of the loneliest you could imagine because you get to a point where you don't have yourself to rely on any more. When there's nothing left because you don't know who you are. I don't want that for you."

Emma's eyes dropped as did her brave front. Ann felt her daughter's chin tremble and her heart broke as she saw that the tragic circumstances she had just outlined were already happening for her little girl. With great restraint, Emma fought her emotions until a barrier somewhere in her mind burst and she caved in and wept. Moving over to sit beside her, Ann cuddled her daughter to her chest. Any resistance was gone and Emma sobbed and sobbed until every last ounce of her energy had soaked through onto her mother's shirt.

"I love you so much, please know that. Please, please know that" Ann whispered as she cradled Emma's head. There was a soft nod of acknowledgement from the fragile blonde volcano in her arms. Emma felt her mother kiss her head as her inner child bawled for the affection she had been craving for over two decades. From across the bar, Ann had seen the same barman watching them as when they had arrived. He stood, watching her now too. To him, it was redolent of a scene he had witnessed many years ago, when a familiar man had taken his beautiful wife in his arms as she sobbed uncontrollably. Only this time, the person in need was in much stronger and capable hands.

* * *

_**Moonlight cascaded over the room, casting shadows and comforting curves of light. Golden brown waves caressed pale shoulders that were stronger than they appeared. Watching for any sign of movement and finding none, apart from the gentle rise and fall of her rib cage, Harris moved over and buried his face against Ann's bare back. His skin burned hers and her mouth fell open as a sudden rush of pleasure ran through her at the sensation. Still half asleep, Ann murmured something that Harris could feel leaving her lungs and travelling through her chest. His eyelashes brushed against her alabaster skin, causing Ann to stretch her spine. Reaching around her hips, Harris stroked her toned stomach and again she stretched as the warmth of him hit her. She hadn't realized she was cold until he touched her. For Harris, the icy exterior was a relief to his senses, he had been inexplicably warm all night. Drowsily, Ann shifted around towards him and onto her other side. Taking his face in her hands, she froze and whispered:**_

"_**You're burning up!"**_

_**He made no response, instead grasping her hips and pulling her against him. Running both hands down her chest, he elicited a soft gasp from her as he pressed his lips to the goose pimpled flesh of her breasts. Any concern she felt for his high temperature was quickly forgotten amidst him suckling her. Never had she felt this way. The sheer intensity of his motions she couldn't believe and she momentarily wondered what had come over him, until she felt him suddenly stop. Lifting her head off the pillow, Ann looked down to see Harris stroking her nipple in wide eyed amazement. Panic soon ruined any gratification she had been feeling as the moonlight revealed a substance leaking from her nipple that Harris was smearing around the areola in shock. Ann shot forward and turned on the lamp above the bed. Staring down, Ann felt a realization smack her in the cerebral cortex and at the same time, Harris voiced it.**_

"_**When was the last time…"**_

"_**I can't remember. Weeks ... a lot … of weeks."**_

_**A dizzy sensation whirled in her head, despite the fact that she wasn't standing. Clutching her barely rounded abdomen, she felt a horrific need for a shot invade her senses. Teary eyed, she gazed up at Harris, who understood the unasked question she carried in her heart. **_

"_**You don't think this could be a good thing, Annie? For us? A fresh start."**_

_**Ann stared down at her legs as she could feel the disconnection from her own body truly set in. No, she knew this was a bad idea. In this house. With that woman always around. Even since she moved out, she had been back every day and Harris did very little to placate her. They hadn't been allowed to begin their own life together properly and it was almost two years since they got married. How would this work?**_

"_**It's too soon, Harris…I-I-I can't…"**_

"_**You can't what? Annie, this would be the perfect opportunity for you to come off those pills and tranquilisers, sweetheart."**_

_**That hit the mark alright. A floodgate of panic opened as Ann saw the only lifeline she had left being taken out of her reach. Furthermore, Harris actually seemed to be enjoying this. What was it that therapist had said to her? When you feel the onset of panic, remember to breathe. We all forget to and it's the most fundamental thing one can do. The difficulty in doing so for Ann, was being right beside the cause of her affliction. Slamming her eyes shut in horror at herself for thinking such a thing, she focused as much as was possible on her breath. **_

_**Had Ann been in a better mental state she would have realized the actual reason for Harris' joy. He had wanted to be a father since he met her and he had been vocal about that fact, but there was more to it than that. The daily infliction of psychological abuse had worn Ann down to her last tether and Harris knew it. He had begun to feel a nagging suspicion that Ann would attempt to leave him if things continued the way they were. It had been visible in her eyes, the unhappiness, the pain and the resentment that grew each day. Knowing his own limitations, Harris resolved that he could not keep her happy as they were. No, he needed…reinforcement. Watching her internalizing the fear now, he felt a whirlpool of self-loathing. **_

_**Initially, it had just been his mother, but he had joined in with taunting his young wife once he realized how dependent she was on him. It was as if his sense of himself grew with knowing that she required him for day-to-day living. He knew she loved him, but what he took from Ann in great supply did not equate to love. It was more akin to power. Power can be intoxicating and having never had any in his life, he indulged in what was slowly becoming a co-dependency. However, in that moment as he watched her struggle to hold in her tears, he felt the magnitude of what he was doing to her begin to tap at his conscience. Before he could open the door to it, he reached for her and cradled her in his arms as she began to weep.**_

"_**I'm sorry, Harris…I'm just, so scared…I-"**_

"_**I know. I know. It's alright, Annie. Everything's gonna be alright. I promise."**_

_**Closing his eyes, he rocked her in the middle of their bed and silently cursed himself for being the coward that he was. **_

"_**I promise."**_

"_**I do want a baby…with you….I just, I don't know if I can do this right now. There's so much goin' on and…I'm terrified, Harris…I really…"**_

_**Harris kept his eyes closed as he rubbed her back and ran his fingers through her hair. **_

"_**You do want a baby? With me?" The surprise in his voice was genuine and he hated that he had allowed it to shine through.**_

"_**Yes, with you."**_

_**Ann answered with all the irritation and hurt she felt at the inference, not realizing Harris was genuinely worried and crippled with insecurity. No, that was something she would only come to realize much later on. **_

"_**I'll go to the doctor in the morning."**_

"_**I'll come with you."**_

_**Ann closed her eyes, allowing unshed tears to flow down her cheek and into Harris' chest hair. There was so much left unsaid within her and much more within Harris that she could never know whilst they remained in that house. Recently, all that Ann could bring herself to do was to either be alone with her drugs of choice, or in bed with her husband. Eager to show him how much she wanted this, she summoned **__**all the strength she had and lifted herself up as he opened his eyes to look at her. Taking his lips in hers, Ann tasted herself on his mouth. The faint warmth of her own body mixed with his in a silky liquid essence was still heavy on his tongue. Opening her eyes, she saw him close his own again as he pressed his forehead against hers. Sensing his insecurity now, she placed her hands on either side of his face, a touch he returned by holding her closer against him.**_

"_**Look at me."**_

_**He obeyed. His eyes were streaked with exhaustion and the bloodshot veins told of hidden pain. For a moment, Ann swore she saw something shift behind the cloudy brown pupils that returned her gaze. Something almost tangible. In the blink of an eye, it was gone and the mask was back in place.**_


End file.
